Posted by Margaret on February 16, 2002 at 19:42:48:
In Reply to: Re: :-) posted by Rhonda on February 16, 2002 at 01:43:40:
Nothing to worry about, and no, definitely, I'm not mad. Matter fact, I understand exactly where you're coming from. Tiggy came to the US from UK a year or 2 ago and met some people from the 4board out east, then when she came to the midwest, I got too chicken to meet her; then when I was out in CA, I was going to meet Gigi, (who no longer posts here), but ended up not havnign enough money to go down south (I was up north); then the third meeting I attempted was with cj (who also stopped posting here), she asked where to meet, I suggested a real cool bookstore cafe that had tons of personal growth and enneagram books, but (and now I'm really going to look like an idiot), I ended up getting too chicken at the last minute and told her I couldn't do it, and maybe we should put it off til later (but we never did). I feel really bad about all this. I certainly did not mean to hurt anyone. But I have always had this problem of being reluctant when meeting new people. I don't know, it's not that I don't like people, it's just that, for some reasons, at certain times, it can be a challenge. I also enjoy being alone a lot, but at the same time, I like friendly contact with others, (just not too much though, I live alone, and don't have that much a high tolerance for living too closely with others. I'm a real big "space" person). And being anonymous on the messageboards allows for me to have friendly contact with others, to express how I think and feel, without having the additional stress one can easily get when being with people live. So don't worry about it. I know what you mean, definitely.
About your job hunt, I never had a job that lasted longer than 6 months my entire life. And last year was the fist time I stayed with the same temporary agency for 1600 hours in one year the first time ever. So that was a record for me. So I guess you could say that technically, I am always on a job hunt, that is, always on the lookout for my next temporary assignment. And, yeah, I've had some times where I signed up with a million agencies, who never came through with any orders for me, so, yes, that definitely can get pretty rough. Of course, knowing that, people always wonder why I could never take anything permanent, and actually that was because, I don't know, the "c" word (commitment), that just was always something that was hard for me to do. I never like the feeling of "being stuck", I always liked the feeling of wondering how much better my next assignment could be. It was always the 'I dont' want to get stuck here in this job, because there might be something out there that is better for me'.
Although, I am now learning that a better strategy is, to just keep something stable and permanent, then keep looking. But that is still hard for me. I like being "free".
I someday imagine though, that when I finally do get a great job, then I would like to go permanent, maybe after I go out east, after I get settled. Then, of course, I hope maybe then, I will get paid more, and be able to advance from there hopefully.
However, the biggest reason, I am procrastinating going out there, is that I do not want to lose my current efficiency apt, and end up having to stay in some other dumpy, crappy place, in a bad neighborhood with other annoying terrible roommates all over agian. I have worked my way up enough to live in a better than before neighborhood, in a finally very decent cool place, where I can live all by myseldf, and not share with anyone, and I really don't want to just "chuck it all" and hop out to somewhere where the living would be back to crappy and crowded and annoying all over again. I don't want to "go back there" again (to living somewhere crappy) - I've been there, done that - and don't (*never*) want to do that again.
And so that's my number one concern. Even now just thinking about having to live in one of those horrible places I've lived before, it makes me think, well, maybe I should just wait untill July 31, when my lease is up in this place. (Or maybe even another whole year). I don't know. I really don't know what to do anymore. There are pluses and minuses to doing both - and neither side currently has greater weight than the other - there come out both equal - so I'm stuck.
I just realized I kept talking about myself this whole time, sorry if that was too much - I really don't know if that helped you, but I guess I was hoping that by sharing some of the similar frustration you're going through, it would feel better at least knowing you're not the only one.
: Hi Margaret,
: Sorry I didn;t get back sooner. I had thought before about meeting people from from the net, but I just don't know if I'm ready yet. I mean, one of the reasons I participate in such personal discussions on messageboards is for the anonymity. I'm won't say no, just 'not yet' I hope you can understand, and wont be mad at me.
: btw: today I sent my resume to a head hunter, & it was a real wake up call. The same head hunters, two years ago, were like, "yeah, we can find you something!" This time the guys said this was wrong with my resume, and that ... I feel very discouraged right now. I will have to put a lot of work into it over the weekend, and hope he likes it better on monday.
: ps: Its really exciting that you are going to manhattan!
: : I sure do! I have been so in over my head lately. So much going on, lots of big decisions. I am moving out east in one month, (I was going to wait one year, but I've decided I can't wait that long, I'm not getting any younger, I want to go now) and I'm going to check out it out. I am really excited about it, but *very* nervous and terrified about driving my car all the way over there (from the Midwest). I don't want it to break down, nor get in an accident once I'm there either. I paid a lot of money for it, and without knowing anyone, I won't have a way to get around without it, (unless I live close to public transportation, which I don't want to have to do all over again). I plan to work downtown Manhattan, and find a room to rent across from there in NJ (I'd rather be on the continent than island, plus closer to the outdoors and space, not stuck in the crowded city).
: : Actually if you and I are anywhere close together geographically, maybe we could meet, and then talk some more, if you'd like. If so, how about exchange emails? Then again if you are busy, I don't want to intrude. Just a suggestion, but you do seem like a neat person, and it would be neat to meet someone on the enneaboard. How's your job search so far? What kind of work you looking for, or rather, what is it you would like to do? And, btw what type are you again? The same as me (4)? I'm sorry I forgot. What's your email?
: : Take care,
: : Margaret :)
: : : I'm glad you remember me! How are you these days?
: : : Rho
: : : : That's not true. I remember you. You are a nice person. I ended up buying a cell phone just like you suggested. And I'm so glad I did that. Now I can take calls anytime, and not be afraid to miss something. I even think how amazing it was I lived that whole time without it! Thanks for the advice. It was great! I also understand what you mean by not liking to work at what does not interest you. However, the incredibly tense pressure society forces on you to work normal job with normal hours like everyone else is so incredibly powerful, it's too hard to go against, and definitely not worth it in the long run. And although unfortunately most work sucks, it helps if there's at least something you can find about it that you have to look forward to - it's better than nothing. Good luck!
: : : : Margaret
: : : :
: : : : : Hey Sarah67! I think you are the only one who will remember me ... How have you been? I'm unemployed & making the best of it. I'm gonna have to get a job real soon now. My benefits wont last much longer. But I don't wanna work! I like doing the stuff I like to do!
: : : : : : Hey girl!!!! long time no see. whats'a shakin?
: : : : : :
: : : : : : : : so i've been having the most stressful week ever. preparing/rehearsing for my finals which consists of 8 performances and 3 scored scripts, running around NYC like a chicken with it's head lopped off, freaking out over everything, too many cigarettes, not nearly enough food, too much coffee, and i've been having this dwindling long-distance relationship with sleep.
: : : : : : : : So I fliped out and went to visit my father. when i got here, he had gone out and bought this HUGE tray thingy of all my favorite sushi: Philly roll, CA roll, spicy salmon, and UFO roll. way more than i could possibly handle. I ate as fast as i could so that way I could stuff down the very most possible before my brain could kick in and tell me that i was full.
: : : : : : : : and he also got me my two favorite kinds of ice cream: chocolate peanut butter cup and mint chocolate chip. i can't ever remember the last time i got to eat someting besides 75cent beagle and a 25 cent bannana. so now i'm chowin on a bowl of ice cream the size of a grown man's head and it's all for lill'ole me.
: : : : : : : : i'm a happy girl. ;-)
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