Posted by Bartholomew on February 18, 2002 at 21:26:01:
In Reply to: Excess and Feeling Disgusting posted by Fresh on February 18, 2002 at 11:46:19:
: I indulge myself to excess. I feel sick and disgusting. I need to feel fresh. I wash myself and have a fresh start. I follow the path of sacrifice. I delay instant gratification. i strengthen my body and will with sacrifice. I feel like a rock. Then life causes me anxiety and I indulge myself again in order to escape the pain, boredom, anxiety, sense of incompletion. Sometimes my indulgence is satisfying. But other times I feel sick and disgusting, and I need to wash and feel fresh again. At times, I don't have the energy to make a fresh start and I become frozen, feeling sick and disgusting and held down. I feel this way until I am ablt to wash again. Then, to my surprise, I feel better again.
I do that sometimes. How about this: instead of indulging yourself in things that make you feel sick and disgusting, indulge yourself in things that purge the anxiety. Go crazy with rage, for instance. If that ends up with too many things getting broken and the neighbors complaining about the loud music, you could try having a crying fit. Reading jokes and laughing is also good, although it's not always hard to laugh in the middle of a lot of anxiety.
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