Posted by CantGiveNameFromShame (female) on February 19, 2002 at 01:16:09:
In Reply to: Excess and Feeling Disgusting posted by Fresh on February 18, 2002 at 11:46:19:
These are both physical appetites. I have a lot of issues with my sexual appetite and with gluttony. I have eaten ... bizzare combinations ... I have wandered back and forth trying to find something, I have stuffed myself till I feel sick & then hated myself for it. THe only way for me to deal with it has been to make hunger my freind. Then when I eat I eat the Zone diet. I usually eat one good meal with protein, fresh veggies, etc a day. But I have to spend some time hungy so that I can feel clean. Then, every few days I allow myself something junky, but not too much. A mounds bar or something, some cashews, but not two days in a row. After a while this control becomes natural, its not so bad. I am no longer on a roller coaster of indulgence and disgust. its sort of a range I allow myself, and it seems to work.
One thing, I read your post one more time. Is your indugence drugs or alcohol? That would be harder to shake, I think, because of the physical dependancy. But all this stuff stems from the same source, I think. The difficulty of living life.
Good luck and love to you
: I indulge myself to excess. I feel sick and disgusting. I need to feel fresh. I wash myself and have a fresh start. I follow the path of sacrifice. I delay instant gratification. i strengthen my body and will with sacrifice. I feel like a rock. Then life causes me anxiety and I indulge myself again in order to escape the pain, boredom, anxiety, sense of incompletion. Sometimes my indulgence is satisfying. But other times I feel sick and disgusting, and I need to wash and feel fresh again. At times, I don't have the energy to make a fresh start and I become frozen, feeling sick and disgusting and held down. I feel this way until I am ablt to wash again. Then, to my surprise, I feel better again.
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