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Re: explosive friends
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Re: explosive friends

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Posted by Margaret on March 10, 2002 at 11:24:53:

In Reply to: explosive friends posted by sarah67zillion on March 10, 2002 at 01:21:21:

That sounds wonderful! I wish I had that problem! Too bad we can't trade! Unfortunately I have the exact opposite. I am still tring to work on getting the guts to call up all kinds of people I blew off long ago and tell them I never meant to hurt them. For some people this kind of thing comes easily. Unfortunately not so for me. For years, I've been dreaming of calling up really good old friends who were so dear to me, telling them I'm sorry, telling them how much I've missed them, how much they meant to me, and how I never told them any of this, but I've always felt it. I keep telling myself, I have to. I never told *any* of these poeple how much they meant to me, how much I cared about them, how much I still do. I never told anyone. I keep thinking I got to though. Someday, I just got to. Before I die, or before they die. Some day before it's too late. And I will. I know for some, not now, but someday soon I will.
Today, I will buy a baby gift for my cousin whom I have not seen for years and years, who I just found out had a baby few weeks ago. And that is a start.
I wish I was not such a a** hole to have cut people out from my life so easily, to have never told them how much I cared about them, how much they meant to me.
I just start to cry looking at their baby pictures. It makes me cry.
It is not a fun thing to recover from. (Being an antisocial a**hole, that is).

: something i've only recently realized:
: for several years, but especially in the last few years since i've been bouncing around the US, i get a call or mesg on my VM almost everyday from an X, a friend or family member about something they've had to tell me for the longest time, or for what ever reason, they just feel they need to get something off their chest. and it's not always people that i haven't talked to for a long time. quite often it's from people who i talk to on, at least, a weekly basis. i mean, its usually good encouraging stuff, but not always. and im not complaining, but its always some big emotional thing that has been festering up for a while in them, but not so much in me. never the less, it ends up throwing me off.

: i never really gave the frequency of these calls a second thought, much less a catagory of "these calls." but now that i have taken notice, it makes me wonder, am i the kind of person that people feel they need to reassure all the time? i mean, i do love a good reassurement session from my peeps, but i can make it through a day without one. i wonder why people don't just tell me this kind of stuff casually. why do they feel they must make a formal phone call in order to address such issues as "i just want you to know, i'm proud of you" or "i'm sorry you think im a leech, but..." or "i just want you to know, i meant what i said when..." or "i admire what you're doing" or "i think you're just too scared to be loved and stay in one place" or whatever else they have to say to me?

: i considered the egram types of my long lost Xboy/girl friends, bestfriends, long-distance amigos, and the family members who have been in the formal caller crew...yep, mostly 4s. that probably explains a lot. also some 3s and 6w5s, couple 2s, a light sprinkle of 8s...

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