Posted by Kitty (188.8.131.52) on August 30, 2003 at 23:40:43:
In Reply to: Re: which type is this? posted by nehad (184.108.40.206) on August 22, 2003 at 02:24:50:
> > > I was friends with a guy who often spoke of his social problems: he thinks he's a jerk, he has to write out everything before he says it, panic attacks, etc. This was very surprising to me, I thought he was a nice, funny, sympathetic person.
> > > Then, the other day he arranged a meeting, and when I showed up, he pretended he didn't know why I was there. He was rude, aloof, and dismissive throughout the encounter. I am a 5w6 myself, and have certainly aliented people with my self-protective behavior, but not in this way. I was thinking he was a 6w5, but this behavior was some sort of emotional exhibitionism, so I was thinking 4w3. Any thoughts?
> > He is a four.. He suffers from fear of rejection. He rejects you first. Sets himself up for rejection so he can say. "I caused the rejection, I was not rejected." I do not suscribe to the wing theory myself. But I can tell you this. Fours often are mean and want to inflict pain on others because they want others to feel the suffering and what they feel. (ie: unhealthy fours)
> > My advise ditch the guy... Oh. I am a five also. I like fours ok. but I get away from unhealty ones...
> > good luck.
To ditch or not to ditch? Fears of rejection and rejecting before being rejected are 8 traits, not 4 traits (I am 4w3). The manipulative push-pull behavior described here is more indicative of unhealthy 4 behavior. It is a "test" to see if he can trust you NOT to reject him. Only then will he let his guard down. I doubt he is 4w3; my guess would be 4w5 as his behavior also indicates problems with intimacy and interpersonal relations not typically seen in a 4w3. This type's 3 wing usually makes them more social, more competitive, and more likely to have self-esteem problems based around envy. Thus, they are also likely to "put on a mask" and are very concerned with how others perceive them.
Its hard to tell a person's type based upon several interactions or a hand-full of characteristics. He could have been insecure or uncomfortable in some way that you were not made aware. This would automatically mean that he would have been operating at a lower level of development regardless of type. If your previous interactions have been positive,I'd give him another chance, but be clear if you can about how his behavior affected you. If he 'hears' you and responds non-defensively it may have just been an isolated circumstance. If not, however, more problems with lack of empathy may make relating to him continue to be painful.
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