Posted by Aweekleft (188.8.131.52) on September 19, 2003 at 17:10:59:
In Reply to: Re: Quick suicide question posted by Sharlee (184.108.40.206) on September 19, 2003 at 04:17:01:
You have a valid point with the diabetes thing but allow me to take it and run with it. What if I was constantly on MDMA (ecstacy), and when on X everything was wonderful and I shared empathy with my fellow man and felt a deep bond to all those around me on a human level. To most people that would be 'wrong' and 'false' as a daily way of life becuse how you feel in that state isn't the real you. That's how I feel about prozac and other mood enhancers. While on them, you aren't dealing with the real you but an altered version of you. In both cases, as soon as the drug wears off you're back to square one.
As to your second point, I agree with the sumation that suffering gives you more empathy for the world. What keeps most people going is hope that it won't always be like this, hope for a better tomorrow. I have lost that hope completely. To say I'm jaded is an understatement. There are a couple of people in my life that I trust enough to talk to about this (and have). They say the same things 'it will get better' and 'im here for you'. Although they mean the best, it won't get better, it only gets worse and there's nothing they can do about it. If I put myself in their shoes how many times can you hear your friend whine before it feels like they are crying wolf or pulling some sort of attention ploy? I'm really tired of talking about it. I hate that now those same people that I used to have alot of fun with ask 'how are you doing' with a concerned look in their eye as soon as they see me. It makes me feel worse. I've only been a downer to them and if I was a true friend, I'd try and bring something positive to the table. I can't do that. I can barely get up in the morning. The disapearing act will confuse them but at least they wont have to deal with this anymore.
And lastly, why on earth would I want to meet the 'partner of my dreams' like this? Would I really be doing them a favor or enhancing their life in any way? No. I would never date anyone as unbalenced as I feel. I've had a few long-term (3+ years) relationships and at the time was looking for some sense of calm or stability through a partner. I've come to realize that's just the wrong approach. Seeking happy-ness through another person is co-dependant and unfair. To your last point, what if it's my death that triggers the major revelation? A bit melodramatic I know but it's quite honestly the only thing that sounds comforting to me. This is the last time I'm coming to this thread. I've made up my mind and found what I was looking for. Don't think there was something you could have said because my mind was made up before I came here, just needed some logistical information. The more I talked it over the clearer the solution became to me.
> When you are in this state, you are not in a good frame of mind to make decisions, especially major ones like death or life. You seem like a 5 with your well ordered rational emotionless view of things. You may think prozac is a false life but brain transmitter levels are physical things just like diabetes is caused by low blood sugar. Would you tell a diabetic not to take insulin because it is "false". Prozac is not the only drug to alter transmitter levels. You may need to try different combinations of drugs under the care of a psychiatrist to find your right levels.
> A second point I have been considering lately is that without suffering in the world, we would not experience empathy and love to the same degree. People say that there could not be a God because God would not allow suffering but if you think about it, where would we be without suffering and death. Loss brings realisation of what we have. Suffering brings understanding and attention to what others are going through - otherwise, unless we were very highly developed in a personal sense, we would become self centred and only think of our own needs. Where am I going with this? I guess I just wanted to point out to you that others probably care about you much mmore than you know and if you open up your suffering to them, you can experience love and support.
> You are only 33. You do not know what the next phone call will hold for you - for all you know you could meet the partner of your dreams tomorrow and win the lottery. You could embark on a project of world significance or you could say something to someone that triggers a major revelation. The possibilities are endless. Why limit your options to oblivion?
> Sharlee 1w2
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