| |
The Romantic (the Four)
Romantics have a strong need to express themselves and to be seen as
original.
Self-Preservation Fours: "Dauntless"
- I crave intensity and stimulation in order to feel alive and avoid
the dullness and meaningless of a mundane existence.
- I am attracted to being close to birth, death, catastrophe, and serious
illness.
- I have plunged into dangerous situations, for example, taking physical
risks, breaking laws or rules, taking chances with my money, engaging in
promiscuity, or entering into unhealthy relationships.
- I can be determined and persevering in pulling myself and others through
crises.
- I rebel strenuously when people attack my ideals, tell me what to do,
or try to change me. I may hurl sarcastic remarks or fly into a rage.
- I focus intently on my creative work or causes.
- I can see myself excluding everything else that is going on around
me and ignoring the necessities of day-to-day survival while I pursue my
goal.
- I like to point out angles that others have not thought of.
- I take great offense when people assume they know what I think and
how I feel.
Relational Fours: "Competition and Envy"
- I envy people who seem happier, more fulfilled, or more intersting
than I am, particularly those whose assets are similar to mine.
- When having problems in a relationship, I am more likely to become
depressed than angry.
- I want my partner to experience our relationship as unique and intense.
- I'm attracted to what is distant and unattainable.
- I long, or have longed, for a soul mate or Prince or Princess Charming
to come along and rescue me from an ordinary life.
- I frequently get my partner to leave, then try to win him or her back.
This push and pull creates drama and pain, keeps renewing the distance
I want, and gives me the feeling that I am in control.
- Getting close frightens me because my loved one might discover that
I don't measure up to the ideal.
- I sometimes feel I'm not special enough to be truly loved.
Social Fours: "Shame"
Shame, as we use it here, means embarrassment, humiliation, and lack of
self-respect.
- I feel ashamed of not measuring up to my vision of the ideal: not being
bright or creative enough, not contributing to humanity, or not having
a fulfilling relationship.
- I die over each mistake or faux pas I make.
- I often feel inadequate socially and either try to pour on charm and
confidence or blend into the woodwork.
- I'm always analyzing myself: Did I make myself understood? Did I sound
stupid? Was I too aggressive? Was I too conciliatory?
- I have dreams of achieving tremendous status and recognition in order
to get revenge on those who have put me down or laughed at me.
- I am very sensitive to being shamed or slighted. It devastates me to
be excluded from a gathering or event that acquaintances or friends are
attending.
- Sometimes I say things against myself to try to deflect envy.
- I feel less awkward when I fill a definite position in the group by
demonstrating that I'm an authority on something or by making a strong
statement about who I am by the way I dress.
Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
Are You My Type, Am I Yours?
Relationships Made Easy Through the Enneagram
HarperSanFrancisco, 1995, 184 pages
|