Posted by Rich (22.214.171.124) on July 30, 2003 at 15:52:40:
In Reply to: the other tactic posted by Jan (126.96.36.199) on July 30, 2003 at 12:24:40:
> Is not to tell unpleasant things or not reveal how they really think about your behavior, just keep.......silent. Very frustrating!
> Yes overlap with passive-agressive, the kinda PA which Oldham describes as ' I can stand looking at the pc screen anymore, my eyes hurt'
> There is some overlap with the Self Sacrificing Style too, often they have unsollicted ' let me do this for you's ' too.
> Altruism seems to be some more subtle form of taking care of own interests by softly manipulating people into guilt or into a relation in which you can't possibly deny helping such a person...Often many of them have a network in which they are plugged in; and their heads seem to be full of thinking about all these people and there lives.
> sounds familiar?
Yes, this and what you wrote in " guarding the interests of the other person ", sounds real familiar. ( and very maddening ) The Devoted attitude of, " whatever you say, sure makes sense to me ", precludes having any kind of meaningful talk. I haven't run into much of the attitude Oldham mentions, where the Devoted blend themsleves into the other person, and it becomes " WE ".
Until I started posting here, even having read the book, I confused the Devoted & self Sacrificing styles! Even the Devoted's S-S like behavior is not really the same as the real thing. The Self Sacrificing can completely forget themsleves, in wanting to be of service. Often, with the Devoted, you get the idea, that this is giving them bonus points, which they can cash in later.... Rich
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