Posted by Flower Pagan (220.127.116.11) on March 14, 2003 at 00:36:25:
In Reply to: Re: Honesty and Etiquette posted by Goatman (18.104.22.168) on March 12, 2003 at 11:56:36:
> > > Emoot when I was reading your post something really struck me. I really agree with everything you are saying and I too value honesty. For me, authenticity is necessary always. Some would disagree with you though. What about saying someone's 'looks great' even when you don't think they do? What about saying thank you even when you don't mean it? I realize these are small examples, but they form the basis for the larger issue.
> > = This is an interesting thought. In genereal people tell little white lies to avoid hurting people's feelings, such as in the case when someone wants an opinion of their appearance. I'd say if that bothers you then don't do it.
> > If someone truly looks like they will be arrested by the fashion police then by all means it would be the greater good to tell them before they go out and possibly embarass themselves. But when you give someone your honest opinion in a matter such as this, tact is a good tool. Honesty is always the best policy but I take care to be nice about it. There's no reason to be overly blunt or brutal. I can usually find a positive way to put things.......because after all it's usually my friends who ask me this question.
> > In another case I have an INFJ friend who looks at my artwork from time to time and when she gives me her opinion on it she says ..."It's not my particular taste..." and then she gives me her best speculation on who would like it. She's an honest chick through and through. And that's okay because sometimes I will produce something that isn't my taste either, the project just sort went in that direction. I'll be standing there scratching my head going "who painted this"?
> > I am not sure I can think of a situation where someone gives me something and I would say "thank you" and not mean it, even when it is something not in my particular taste..... I still think saying "thank you" is a good thing because the person did think of me...... so I guess I am thanking them for the thought.
> > I know people who go around and are nice to people because it is 'common courtesy'. I always tell these people I think that is bullshit, that one should not tell someone something because they want to hear it. The reason 'common courtesy' works is because people naturally believe you are being honest. I have wrestled with this issue because sometimes it seems the greater good for me would have been to throw out compliments I don't really mean, but I rarely do because I feel I would violate some image of myself.
> > I think it depends how organized and introverted one is with their emotions. I am very introverted with emotions, I think maybe it might be good for me to practice 'common courtesy' more often, but everytime I am encountered with a situation I feel like I am betraying myself by not being fully honest. I'll leave it up to you to define honesty.
> > = Well, I think it is good to be polite to people in general. But being polite doesn't necessarily mean you have to be untruthful. Maybe that's a good description of how my INFJ friend is...she's politely truthful. Find something positive to say truthfully..... granted that kind of makes it a bit more challenging but the more you do it the better you will be.
> > Wow, I sound a bit like Miss Manners today....(:
> > Anyway, I hope this helped you,
> > emoot(: 4w5/INFP
> > PS: Since you are an ENFP.... your personality description is all about honesty...... in your strengths category.... it mentions honesty, authenticity and genuineness.... but I bet you already knew all that...
> > I sort had to review it for myself because most of the time I am abosrbed in my own little INFP universe.
> > Warm, sociable and friendly, ENFPs are quick to form new relationships. Moved by deep feelings and emotions, they communicate in an open, honest way. Using their Intuition to look beyond the obvious known facts in a given situation, they are insightful, free-thinking, perceptive individuals. Inclined to question conventional wisdom, they tend to focus on the deeper hidden patterns and meanings behind surface forms and structures, and enjoy approaching old problems from novel theoretical perspectives. Spontaneous, enthusiastic and quick to act, they may find rigid systems and procedures stifling. Lively, energetic and versatile, they enjoy variety and change and will actively seek out new, exciting challenges. Valuing authenticity and genuineness in their relationships, their friends and colleagues will appreciate the support and encouragement they freely offer. Focusing on the broader picture, they approach problems in a strategic, expedient way, seeking novel, creative solutions to problems.
> Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with politeness, but I think many people in this world would prefer you to tell them what they want to hear, than what you think you should tell them. Just for clarity's sake I always hate being shunned for expressing my emotions in the correct way. I am very shy or introverted with my emotions and when people criticize me for not doing or saying something even though I have felt and thought it, it is very frustrating. I feel like people get this image of me that is a far cry from who I am, and usually this image I project seems to be less polite than the real me. Welcome to life.
FP: I have to agree with you because my mother gets angry and rejecting if you don't say what she wants to hear or do what she expects of you, though you have to guess what that expectation is, at times. I don't always tell her what she wants to hear, and she rejects me and criticizes me because I don't just go along with her, like I did in childhood. I had no choice but to keep the peace and avoid chaotic tension. Now, I realized that I don't want to keep the peace at all costs and suppress my authentic self anymore. I have learned to embrace and accept the values of my One wing. I always been a honest child, as much as a peacemaker could be without provoking adults to assault me out of anger.
FP: I think because you are an introvert, people tries to fill in the space to figure you out. Our minds are curious and will put in answers, where answers are not found. Human nature, I suppose. It takes courage to let people know the real you.
> By the way, where did you find that MBTI description? Do you know anything about the Five Factor model?
FP: What is the Five Factor Model? Maybe, I have seen it before and just don't know it by name. Could you describe it?
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