Posted by just wondering (18.104.22.168) on April 15, 2003 at 23:42:42:
In Reply to: Re: old relationships posted by emoot(: (22.214.171.124) on April 15, 2003 at 19:26:52:
> > Hmmm...
> > I was just wondering how you fellow 4s cope with your old love relationships. Well this is about something that was on the verge of happening but fizzled out. Mostly due to my fault. However, for a long time I really regretted what I did. And sometimes I do think I still love him although I know we will never be.
> > I think the end occurred when I refused his offers (nothing sexual!). We were really close before and I obviously came off as cold and aloof. I didn't mean to because I was feeling shy about what I was wearing. Actually, I wore it thinking that I could seduce him as I have a slim hourglass figure...which worked but when it happened I got scared. I've been sexually abused, harassed and indecently assaulted so I must say I don't enjoy people touching me in a sexual way very much. I mean if I touch a guy it is like what I'd do to a girlfriend.
> = I'm just beginning to work with people who have abuse issues, and though, I haven't learned a lot yet....I'd say if you have been through sexual abuse you've got a few things on your plate to deal with in the relationship arena. However, it's something you absolutely can get under control. Your past doesn't have to rule your future...you have the right and ability to have a loving relationship but it depends on how much you have dealt with your past. I mean have you been in therapy for this? I think for the mere fact that you mentioned it in this post means you are dealing with it on some level of reality.
* Thanks for your advice. Yes at times I think I am fine but when it comes to things like relationships those things tend to come back to mind. Other than that I am fine. True, it is up to me to decide to control my future. I guess I still have those issues to work through. I've never been kissed but been unwillingly groped too many times.
> > And also because of the whole rejection thing. You know rejecting people before they can reject you. I was telling myself that no he isn't really interested in you. But by the time I realised it it was too late.
> > I'm a lot better know about it. I was absolutely devastated when he found someone else. I do want to find someone else eventually. But I think all my issues will interfere with the relationship. So I think why bother? I just feel that when I fall for someone it is pretty intense but then I can't offer him what he wants because of those issues.
> > Please feel free to comment. Thanks for your time.
> = I think you can have a worthwhile relationship.....but it might involve letting go of those issues and I don't know how easy it will be for you to do that.
* Thanks for your help. :)
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