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The Illusion of Love
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The Illusion of Love

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Posted by Casualty ( on April 16, 2003 at 22:18:49:

In Reply to: old relationships posted by just wondering ( on April 15, 2003 at 08:08:53:

Hi. Life has its challenges and yours is a major one, although not an
insurmountable one. I had a relationship with an incest survivor who was
also a four. I also am a friend of an woman who is a three and an incest
survivor. My general observation is that "recovery" is the first priority
for a person that recognizes abuse in her/his history. Taking care of one's own self is job number one! That means therapy and support groups.
Relationships come later; history and trust are integral components of
any relationship. Learning anew proper boundaries is a major step in
emerging from abuse. Unfortunately, "Love" is often experienced as a
(partial) loss of boundaries. Victims of abuse have an additional
burden when navigating boundaries in personal relations. For fours,
passion is paramount; unfortunately, it may lead to a recapitulation
of abuse until the dynamics are understood and a support system is
in place. Many lovers will prove unable to accept the challenge. Several
books discuss this topic. I will merely say that love is "out there," and
it may not match your initial expectations. Keep hope alive; focus on your
own needs. I wish you well.

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