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Re: The Illusion of Love
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Re: The Illusion of Love

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Posted by Just Wondering ( on April 20, 2003 at 02:17:00:

In Reply to: The Illusion of Love posted by Casualty ( on April 16, 2003 at 22:18:49:

> Hi. Life has its challenges and yours is a major one, although not an
> insurmountable one. I had a relationship with an incest survivor who was
> also a four. I also am a friend of an woman who is a three and an incest
> survivor. My general observation is that "recovery" is the first priority
> for a person that recognizes abuse in her/his history. Taking care of one's own self is job number one! That means therapy and support groups.
> Relationships come later; history and trust are integral components of
> any relationship. Learning anew proper boundaries is a major step in
> emerging from abuse. Unfortunately, "Love" is often experienced as a
> (partial) loss of boundaries. Victims of abuse have an additional
> burden when navigating boundaries in personal relations. For fours,
> passion is paramount; unfortunately, it may lead to a recapitulation
> of abuse until the dynamics are understood and a support system is
> in place. Many lovers will prove unable to accept the challenge. Several
> books discuss this topic. I will merely say that love is "out there," and
> it may not match your initial expectations. Keep hope alive; focus on your
> own needs. I wish you well.

Thank you for your help. I hope you don't mind my asking are you a 4 as well? How was the relationship with the 4 you were talking about?

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