Posted by Rho (126.96.36.199) on May 11, 2003 at 22:37:50:
In Reply to: not losing a friendship posted by Margaret (188.8.131.52) on May 11, 2003 at 15:30:19:
Just one question -- you refer to this guy with the word 'freindship'. Are you guys (still) just freinds or are you romanticly involved? (I'm guessing the latter, but I just wanted to ask for sure)
You are lucky that you understand that just because someone withdraws doesn't necesseraly mean that they don't want to be with you anymore. It also seems like you are brave enuf to take a risk and, like you say "do whatever possible not to lose him". What's going on with you & him now?
Your post to me about relationships is so wise & confident, & relaxed. Its such a contrast with your other posts. I guess that comes because you mostly post here when you are feeling particularly troubled or anxious. You said that maybe you had asked your freind for too much support - we can do that, ask our boyfriends, or our social friends for too much emotional support - I have done it, and sometimes I can feel people pulling away from me.
I don't know if you have read my response to the happy 4s post - but I did 4 years of therapy (stopped about 3 yrs ago). It made all the difference in the world. Imagine the trouble I have with this guy that I mentioned, multiplied by 10, then present in ALL areas of my life. My therapist (I refer to her as my 'lady' ) was a licenced social worker who did a combination of therapies, but she was primarily working from the cognitive therapy idea that if we change the way we think, a change in our outlook and our moods will follow. I keep recommeding it to you when i read some of your posts, cause I think it will really make a difference. plus, and this is important, you won't have to ask quite as much from your freind.
By the way, I also have a tendency to change location. I've moved around a bunch of times. So I can relate to a bunch of the stuff you talk about. I've had terrible trouble with jobs, and sometimes with living situations, jesus - I can't believe some of the stuff I put myself through. In one job situation, I was so full of anxiety, that I felt like I was floating, I was walking, but it felt like my feet were like a foot off the floor. There was this horrible 40/50 something thin bleached blonde woman who would start shouting and yelling at me when I made a mistake.(data entry) The next job I had after that was working at tower records. At the end of the evening I had to do my register. The supervisor was a music student getting a docorate. He played organ in a church. When he trained me to cash out, he was so kind, so patient, so gentle. If I made a mistake he said "It alright - its just a mistake." I also grew up in an environment that made me really ashamed of shortcomings, but that also made me expect that I would fail. OH - but the good news is, eventually i found a professional job I got to be good at after about a year, and that really helped me feel happier & more confident
Wow - I've said so much. and I still haven't touched the issues you raised in your earlier post. I'm going to make another post about that BUT - I wanted to say that the part in your post where you recognize that some people are lucky enuf to grow up able to give and take and be emotionally available, and how you its something you can learn -- that part was really good - and you are so lucky to have met someone who could give you that gift. I had the opposite experience. Anyway, I'm still thinking aboiut the questions you asked, on a deeper level and i want to write some good answers & see what you think
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