Posted by kathy (220.127.116.11) on May 13, 2003 at 16:05:28:
In Reply to: Thank you Kathy... posted by Minbari (18.104.22.168) on May 12, 2003 at 21:49:40:
I agree with what you wrote about being genle with oneself. There's no reason to be self-punishing!! - The world's a hard enough place without our adding to the misery out there!!! The more we love ourselves the better chance we have of actualising our potential.
What I mean by being alone is that I'm away from my family - my parents are divorced - both are abusive and as I'm the youngest i was the perfect pin-cushion for my siblings' frustrations.....(besides for one NINE sister who I was very close with until she freaked out when I claimed that my mother is nothing but an abusive power-hungry controller - (my mother is a scary EIGHT/ONE combination by the way.)Now she thinks I'm the bad one for cutting off from my mother. I married an abusive guy who turned out to be gay so we divorced after a very short time - The story is a very sad long tale but the "Woman Within" weekend really helped me with all the pain and I feel much better even if sometimes the loneliness is TANGIBLE!!! - I guess I've made the firm decision to face my life ahead and enjoy it 'cause that's what we're here for in the end of the day - to see the silver linings!!! The more Love we spread out in the world the more there is for us to enjoy!!!
Tons of Love,
> Sorry to come off so strong in the "don't do it!" sounding tone of coming off drugs. I didn't want to go on them to begin with and so that helped with the motivation to come off. Also, living in a community and studying/practicing meditation (Buddhist and Christian) also helped me believe I was ready. I still believe it is a good thing...I encourage you to lean toward it...but not if you are "completely alone." ...what do you mean when you say "completely alone"?
> Also, my netscape is acting crazy and I hate explorer, which is what I'm on...my point is that if this thing goes down too I can't get to the message board, of course. And it took me this long since Saturday (?) to get back on.
> But I am feeling tremendously better...I just panic when I get hard on myself about "screwing up..."
> A very wonderful four happened to come by here yesterday for lunch with all of us and she and I took a walk. One thing she said that I thought was very very helpful: There is the spirit which is who we really are (rooted in the "now") and there is the ego self that spins out negative thoughts, especially as we strive to be healthy and whole. Anyone or any religion that preaches "whipping the ego into shape" is not for "me" (she said of herself). If I've learned anything, she continued, it is to allow my spirit to embrace the ego, be gentle with the ego, and thereby help to diffuse it. The issues that are here are always going to be here. Learning to be gentle with myself means also recognizing that I have no control over many many things---even the possibility that I will "screw up." Learning to be gentle means I have a better chance of living in my spirit self and deflating that ego at every opportunity....
> And every time we go through what I'm going through, she said, it is the true self digging and digging for the spirit (integrity: integration) and then of course the ego freaks out and latches on to the old habit--of doing/thinking/responding, whatever....
> I read something wonderful a few days ago defining courage...but I CANNOT put my hands on it right now! Argh... I believe it said something like: courage is simply being who we really are, or allowing ourselves to be who we really are...something like that. When you're ready to be who you really are and going through some deep deep pain to get there...you'll know it. I long for that time for you...today, as you can tell, I'm 100% convinced it's worth it...I will level out at some point and I'm believing that more and more.
> Helpful? I'm thinking of looking at the site you mentioned...
> Be good to yourself love---
> > Thank you darling for your advice. I'll let you know when I finally manage to go off. I haven't got enough courage yet. I'm so sorry that you're feeling low. It is pretty awful not to have someone's love. (I can talk - I'm completely ALONE).....but read the one below on "healing for fours" about a wonderful healing journey i just experienced. Going to a "Woman Within Weekend" will really change your life.
> > Good Luck!
> > Hang in there!! The world needs you to make it a brighter place - and I'm sure you have alot to give!!!
> > lots of Love,
> > Kathy
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