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Posted by anonymous ( on May 18, 2003 at 02:37:38:

K -- I keep wanting to go back and change things I have done in order to have what I don't have now. Like I had all the right ideas in the first place and then didn't follow 99.9% of them. This is so old, but it doesn't stop. I don't know how to let go of the past and embrace the present/future, for numerous reasons. Like... I would have to work harder, have faith in something.. it's like I was let down or something, and what if I have faith again and find out when I am 50 that I should have been doing everything differently, because I did it all wrong. Like marriage right? Get married, and you don't have to be a spinster, but end up tied to a house in the middle of Iowa watching children all day by myself. I want excitement! But, where to find it? Is there any way out of this wanting? Or is that just who I am, pitfalls and pluses? If so how do you accept knowing you won't ever be able to accept life the way it is?

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