Posted by emoot(: (188.8.131.52) on May 21, 2003 at 08:53:43:
In Reply to: Dealing with this guy posted by Rho (184.108.40.206) on May 20, 2003 at 22:47:49:
> I don't deal so well when a guy doesn't show real obvious interest. I met this one guy - a french singer (!) & he was calling me from France. He said he had really good memories of our time together. If I'm not getting feedback like that, does it mean the guy is really not that into me? or does it possibly mean that he doesn't show it long distance? 'Caues when were together, I get these really warm feelings from him
> Anyway, I had an insight. I am expecting a guy to have a mutual feeling, right away, that we are "goin out" and that means - we are not dating anyone else, (for me being physically intimate means that). But probably for most guys that's just not the case. You only know someone a week, two weeks, three - whatever, you are not suddenly in a mini-marriage.
> ANYWAY this is my long hand for me realizeing that -- as soon as I feel my self in danger of getting 'obsessive' --- I'm gonna go out & find somebody else to date. So that I won't be thinking about that one guy all the time. Whatever it takes. 'Cause the truth is, he's prolly not thining about me all the time. It just aint good for me to be doing that. And the best way to offset it is to spread that energy out. (I would replace it with my music, but - sometimes confusion & anxiety about romance knocks *everthing* else out of my head)
= A French singer? Oh, my...doesn't that conjure up some romantic imagery....I can't blame ya..... I don't know what it is with men with accents but.....it's nice. (:
I think it is a completely natural feeling for a four to want loyalty. I know, myself, when I was dating, whenever the relationship got beyond the "getting to know you" month and edged toward the serious feelings stage.... that I wanted undivided attention. (I mean, because, you know.....I lived for romance!)
But, I will say.... if you aren't in serious feelings mode about the French dude (or if he doesn't make a point to show you how he's feeling )... date several men at the same time.
I know when I met my husband, and this was out of character for me, I was dating three men at once. I had just come out of a serious relationship with an INTP/5w4 computer science guy - he was beginning to feel my fourish static cling and he was getting nervous(; .... but we remained friends ...So I decided to surface date.... just going out for a "no strings and no intimacy" deal. During that process I met a 4w3 singer/artist and a 6w5 chemical engineer. In about 2 months the 5w4 wanted to date again.....and started talking about marriage even though I was still dating the other two guys. IT was weird...they all three didn't seem to mind.
It actually blew my mind....I don't know if it was the competition thing or what (who knows in the realm of maledom).... but I sure had a good time getting attention from 3 guys at once.
Oddly... I fell in love with the most unlikely candidate, I fell head over heels for the 6w5/ISFJ......still in love with him after almost 10 years of marriage. (: Goes to show that you just never know....
...So ask the guy out at the coffee shop... (:
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