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Posted by Margaret ( on May 22, 2003 at 19:59:46:

In Reply to: Re: Hey everyone, I have a question, if you don't ~ posted by Rho ( on May 22, 2003 at 17:55:04:

> I'd follow the 'aparment feels good' instinct. That seems like it would make you happy. Anyway, its not a commitment for life. A lease is what, one year? If it paying it kills you can: 1) Get a roomate, 2)break the lease. There are always possibilites. I would go with my instincts

***You're right. I really can't stand being around such a crowded cramped area. I need space, trees, a decent neighborhood, hills, more green grass, and space. I will just stay here, if I can get that apt, I will take it. Plus I'm sick of moving around so much. Plus there's no guarantee I will get anything there.

Tommorrow I am going to ask my boss since I can't be a processor, maybe could I try sales? I hate being on the phone and talking to customers though. I can't stand it. I can't stand talking to them. But, let's say he would, maybe (???) I could stick it out till I find another job close by as a processor? He wouldn't have to train me, I'd just jump on the phone and start dialing. Although I really can't stand being on the phone. But waht else is there meanwhile? I'm not moving, I'm too tired. I'm just going to stay here. Which means I just may have to, because I don't have much else I could jump right into this exact second.

The other option he offered was for me to be an assistant to the new kid and the other new girl. Can you beleive that? How can someone completely humiliate another by demoting them to this total smart aleck kid who is at least 10 years younger than me and right out of college that just started two months ago and never produced anywhere near I did. Now instead of him assisting me, I have to assist him? That's insane.

I had a feeling all this was going to happen, because I just had this weird feeling that when I moved to PA, and left the north, something about this just didn't seem right. Why am I here really ? I don't know. I just know I was too damn crowded up north and couldn't stand it anymore.

However, now that I'm here, it's embarrasing, to be so degraded so easily, and it was step by step, bit by bit, they just kept chopping down my salary and my position authority till it was all gone, and now is nothing, which I knew was going to happen, just didn't know it was going to be so fast and so humiliating and so degrading so quickly.

I told my boss, what about all the deals I closed and funded compared to the other guy. And he said he knows I produced more (much more), *however*, the other sales people just don't feel comfortable working with me as they do with him. (They are all younger than me). So, in the end, it's not the numbers they care about as much as the favoritism, of course. As always. And since they're all younger than me, including my boss, (I am the old granny here), the ageism is pretty much inevitable. To demote the old granny is only the norm.

You're right about taking an apt I like though. All I want is to be all alone somewhere not crowded and a decent neighborhood. To be far away from as many people as possible, I don't want to be around anyone.

And someday, ultimately, I am going to get a home really, really, really, super, super, super far away in the real, real, real rural someday where there is no one else, absolutely no one, completely no one, and be so far away from everyone, that no one can hurt me anymore ever because no one will be close enough to get the chance to.

Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. Take care.

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