Posted by Ella (188.8.131.52) on May 23, 2003 at 12:22:42:
In Reply to: Do 4s internalize other people's pain? posted by old friend (184.108.40.206) on May 22, 2003 at 22:50:48:
Exponentiates? Is that a word?? Maybe.. Complicates?..
Personal experience: I found that when my friend's mother died last month, I felt scared, I found myself imagining myself in his shoes. He's been stunningly brave - worryingly so, I worry that he's repressing it: but then again it's probably only temporary. We have serious exams at the mo'. But anyway, my point is I made an oh-so typically 4 drama out of it.
I think 4s do have a very blatant love of the lyrical, the dramatic. They love to retreat into love stories, into personal fictions, and therefore pain is an odd subject to deal with. Myself, I sometimes make everything feel like a book when I'm adrift, or even just when I'm bored. This makes everything ten times worse, because it just delays my coming to term with the truth. I struggle a lot with my feeling. If it helps to know, I'm only about 52% or MBTI's Thinking type over Feeling.
I like to prolong and develop my melancholy with music, additionally.
I'm quite well aware of these traits, and try to avoid acting this way, but I think it does help me with listening. I feel like, when I'm listening to someone, I wait 'til they're totally out of schpiel before I mention anything of my own. Obviously, a true listener wouldn't include such a story at all, but these are my friends I'm talking to so I don't feel comfortable trying to mimick a stone-cold counsellor. Very occasionally I can avoid the story, and just say "When that happened to me, I found it easy to do so-and-so."
And I found it hard to answer the third quesiton. I didn't really get it.
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