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Posted by katti (217.145.8.50) on May 27, 2003 at 02:09:11:

In Reply to: Re: hi posted by Rho (24.61.40.6) on May 25, 2003 at 18:38:07:

hi rho

thanks for your insights- you're so direct and understandable, maybe cause your a 4 too :-) my counsellor is very ok and pretty much direct but she is an 8 and sometimes we just realise she is trying to make me into someone else - but we clear things out immediately.

i still have this feeling about guilt, though. during teh last year with my ex i had a depression- but i did not know it was one!! i mean, i knew i worked too much, was sooo snappy and weepy and fussy and drove poeple aroune me sooo crazy- but all the time i felt i was doing this cause i hated myself and not just to vent my anger on somebody else. sort of to show all others around what a nasty little piece of shit i was - whe all i wanted was to tell someone just how i felt - telling my boyfriend seemd impossible at that time (and after splitting up he sort of accused me that i no longer spoke to him about myself - but i just could not face doing it)

so thsi sort of guilt inside is eating at me- and i think its the thing whcih is preventing me from moving on- i tried spiritual healing - but even though 'god' has sort of forgiven me, i cant do that to myself. and i know that if i just let go i ll feel better- and i really hate this, knowing what i have to do and then not doing it! part of me just wants to write a letter to my ex and just explain how things were - but the other part of me things its not a good idea- since its useless exposing a part of oneself to someon who is no longer a part of your life, or?

sorry for writing so long again - hope you dont get headaches from my post

yours katti
> Oh god - I've been there. Especially on the weekends. Because you don't have to get up. And I wasn't *tired*. I just couldn't do anything. I had to force myself to shower.

>
> Kattie,

> First of all, you were in a relationship for 7 years. A lot of people can't do that. Second, you broke up when you were 24? 7 years out of 24 is *almost a third of your life*.

> Why on earth shouldn't you still be mourning this after only one year?


> Don't demand so much from yourself. Yes, keep trying to do things to make yourself feel better. But don't be upset with yourself if you find you don't want to do something, or can't keep it up.

> ALso the fact that you have a counselor is really great. I didn't see one till I was 30. You're ahead of the game.


> Finally, different relationships have differnet effects on us. I was with a guy for 2 months. Even 5 years later, he's a sensitive topic for me. Or if a person who had a long term, but light relationship might feel sad for a few months, but they might put it behind them.

>
> It's really hard now, because we are made to feel weak if we let a man affect us that much - like - "A modern woman is stronger than that, she doesn't need a man, she doesn't live for a man". In many other cultures, people are allowed to suffer from a broken heart for years. People feel sorry for them, but they don't tell them to snap out of it.

> Something else to think about is that what hurts us in addition to the loss of the individual is what that person represents to us.

> Anyway, I hope I have said something useful to you. Just don't feel so bad about feeling so bad. One layer is enough!





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