Posted by raz62 (188.8.131.52) on May 28, 2003 at 08:19:14:
In Reply to: is this an insult? please help posted by Lori (184.108.40.206) on May 27, 2003 at 18:29:43:
> Hello, I posted this same question on the main board, but really need some comments from fellow 4s. It is about a perceived insult. It happened when an employee commented on my husband's 40 pound weight loss by telling me he looked really, really good and that I had better watch him because now some young girl might "steal" him from me. I don't know how she meant it to come across, but I considered it an insult to both me and my husband. I think it is an insult to me because it implies that as a middle-aged woman, I am no longer good enough or attractive enough to keep him. I think it is also an insult to him because it says he was not good looking when he was heavier and also, that he is immoral and shallow enough to dump me after 25 years of marriage because he lost weight. I completely trust my husband, that is honestly not the issue. I guess the real issue is that lately I am sad about looking older and don't like it shoved in my face. I haven't let myself go, I still weigh the same as when we got married, but age still does it's thing, no matter how I take care of myself. So I told her I considered it an insult, but she refused to admit that it could be perceived that way, and just kept saying that I should be happy I now have a handsome husband. Do you fellow 4s think I was overreacting?
>>>>>HA! You were not overreacting!!! The only thing I might have done differently, once this co-worker did not admit that there were quite a few insults in her comments, was flip it on her and say, "Well, why should I worry about the young girls going after him, when he knows that I am surrounded by good-looking successful men all day and he still trusts me?!?!?" (In my workplace, I am surrounded by quite good-looking men, age range 23-56, who do not have the pot belly my hubbie has and who make more money than my hubbie, and my husband does tease me about my running off with one of the youngsters one day. But I have never cheated on him (except in fantasy -- with Johnny Depp for instance) and I don't believe he's ever cheated on me.) I congratulate you for not putting on weight -- I have put on 20 pounds in the past 4 or 5 years (I'm 40) and so I have to contend with that every day. Ageing sucks in certain respects, and in my case, it means I have to exercise a lot more just to maintain an average figure.
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