Posted by Minbari (18.104.22.168) on May 28, 2003 at 21:47:26:
In Reply to: I'm a hopeless romantic, and it's making life hard posted by Don't Dream It's Over (22.214.171.124) on May 28, 2003 at 09:41:05:
I know these fears you speak of! Good to hear of your sensitivity...
Actually you sound a lot like me...when I'm feeling completely hopeless and despairing.
I started therapy last spring...and discovered all kinds of developmental trauma that causes me to live out of shame...perhaps looking into some therapy would help you?
I also went to my first al-anon meeting last monday and I think this will be very good for me...could that be a place for you as well? Support, working a program, finding you are not alone (a message board may not be enough, though I really feel comfortable here).
What are you interested in? Besides relationships...I've been told that to lean toward the "One" is what we're supposed to do. But a very good friend of mine who is so four she wrote the book on it (and deeply spiritual and wise from unbelievable traumas in her life) has also insisted that the best thing for a four to do (especially a creative, sensitive, spiritually aware four) is to adopt five strengths/habits... Fortunately, I'm a 4w5.
And now for the "throwing the book at ya" part. My above-mentioned four friend bought me the book "Women Who Love Too Much" and insisted I read it. I'm reading it. I hate it. And she said she did too, the first 5 times she read it....(hate it because it triggers every cotton pickin thing in my life...) It may be "written" for "women" but all you have to do is switch the gender thing, because I'm telling you, based on what you've said, you HAVE TO READ THIS BOOK and put yourself in the place of each story. The insights and lessons are shattering. (In a healing sort of way...)
So...begin reading...and begin giving book reports. That's your assignment.
> I need some place to ventilate, and this is where I feel most people can understand me. I feel at a terrible loss right now.
> I'm afraid that I might spend the rest of my life single, alone and in solitude. Why? Plenty of reasons. In the 19 years that I've been here, I have come to realise that I am unusually sensitive for a guy, and very emotionally driven. Every relationship I have tried for I have committed myself to an ideal even before it began, to a dream that would remain as that, a dream. I feel cheap, because every person that I have gone for I have given her my heart even before knowing her well. Yet I find myself continually doing so, and continually I face failure, regret and deepfelt sorrow. It hurts, but I can't stop myself.
> And most of the time the commitment I give is so great at the beginning I run the risk of becoming obsessed over the other. I worry about everything; from a simple passing comment to maybe a person's every actions. It sickens me, and it brings me to such a level of despair that never once has it not caused an outcome that only caused me more pain and suffering because of the amount of heart and soul I have placed in pursuing the ideal.
> Yet I remain hopelessly romantic. I hope that one day, just one day I might meet someone and everything about the situation the picture paints will be perfect. It is this ideal that makes my life so hard to live with right now, but I keep holding on to that special dream.
> It's tough being me, and sometimes I wish I could do something to make myself worry less. I'm at odd's end; I had decided before that I would not take too much heart into affairs of the heart, but I never seem to be able to do that. Maybe I am destined for a life of singlehood.
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