Posted by raz62 (22.214.171.124) on May 30, 2003 at 12:22:05:
In Reply to: well...what I have to lose is posted by minbari (126.96.36.199) on May 30, 2003 at 10:56:31:
> feeling like I can learn to work through something rather than just walk off.
> Did I mention I am having to read "Women who love too much"? Have you read it?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>I think that is a great point for a Four -- "feeling like I can learn to work though something rather than just walk off." That's how I dealt with most stuff in life up to my early 30s -- once whatever stopped living up to my expectations, I left. That is why I've tortured myself at this job for a long time -- Over three years, full time, is a RECORD for me. I held a part-time job for over 5 years before this full-time one. Because I am cursed not only with being a fantasy-loving 4 but a self-pres variant dead last, I am leary of jumping around too much, past results have been disastrous (great for my heart, bad for my bank account.) But I don't know, this person still sounds bad for you, yet you can try to cut out contact with her until she reapproaches you. But it has to be a real restructuring of your life -- get your heart and mind absorbed in something else! She certainly has made it clear that she doesn't want your intense absorbed attention!
BTW, my common-law husband is an 8 & we've stuck it out for 8 years now. He went through a period quite a few years ago where he treated me like shit and was all moody and negative with me at home, then he would call his male buddies on the phone and be all fun and funny & go do activities with them. I was like, excuse me, the person you are when you are with Andy or Kenny IS THE PERSON I EXPECTED TO BE MARRIED TO, not this other miserable thing. He said, go get a friend of your own then, like Julie or Sheryl, and I hit the nail on the head as far as I was concerned: I DIDN'T MARRY JULIE OR SHERYL, I MARRIED YOU. Get it? But he still never quite got it, and I have since made him a much less important part of my life, until the magic day came (& the days are still like this) where now HE complains that I seem to have time for all kinds of other stuff but not him. My response: you told me go get a life, and I did. The end.
No, I have not read that book, but I did go to an Al-Anon meeting and learned about co-dependency. It's something I guard against ever falling back into.
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