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Posted by minbari ( on June 01, 2003 at 19:34:46:

In Reply to: Re: it's helping! posted by cj ( on June 01, 2003 at 14:39:31:

I'm not a people pleaser either. Which is why relationships like this feel so funny to me...when I feel like I mmmm can't think of the word...overcompensate? accommodate? overfunction? to please her. It has only just the minute I was waiting for the browser to clear that I had a sort of eureka...that I fall in love with someone who is the kind of person I think I want to be like? am gonna have to reflect on that one...

how is your relationship healthy when you have to read his mind in order to please him?

> I guess I wasn't very clear about that people pleasing thing. What I meant was that in conventional social settings or in work situations I am not the type of person to automatically cleave to other people's points of view, or try and initially figure out what people want from/of me in order to please them.

> In close personal relationships, especially with my husband (a 4/3, pretty demanding person in some ways) I am very much a person pleaser. But our relationship is very healthy, and I am more easy going than he is, so things work out better if I try and intuit what he wants and give it to him.

> Giving people space is a great character builder for you!! And me!! It teaches you self-reliance and self-control, and makes the relationship very rewarding.

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