Posted by katti (126.96.36.199) on June 05, 2003 at 15:43:12:
im 25, just been prescribed prozac by my doctor- i just wrote a couple of weeks ago hre- but since then things went worse.
summary of me: my boyfriend of 7 years left me a year ago, caus ehe couod not take any more of my continuos fights, moodines, and many other things- at that time i just felt bad about myself- i did not know about enea. and that many otehr peopel (4's!) go through similar periods in theri life- i just felt a bad person - and tod him all the time he would be better off without me- eventually he realised i was right and just left- it ahd nothing to do with me not loving him- i just hated myself.
i ahve had counselling ever sinc ehe left- i wanted that before- but all pscyhos were over booked and i as put on a waiting list- funnily enough, i was called by this counsellor a day after my ex left me-
i have learnt a lot through enea- still my pain is there- my counsellro thought i d better consult a doctor- that was in dec when i was given denaxit-
only yesterday- a year after my ex left- i had a n appointment- and doc said i should be taking seroxat- taht just crumbled my life more -
i have amnaged to keep a job pls part -time plus to behave humanly in public - plus keep myself busy -and hsi was a big blow for me- as if all my efforts are in vain
the thing is - i dont think in my case a pill would do magic- i mena, i always felt im bad, that no one should love me, that i dont think any pill woudl help in that- i donr need a pill to help me feel better 'occasionally'- i do that on my own- but my downs are really down- and teh idea of taking prozac is kiling me- please dont think i am offending anyone who uses this medicein- in forn t ofme i justpictur my cousin who was on this pill - and ican remember her rocking to and fro and crying when she was on teh way to get off it- holy god- i dont think i can go through what she went through.
i feel that not having spoken to my ex about what i went through is a abd thing-a friedn of mine suggested ishould tell my ex some things about what i was going through- wait- not to try to get on with him etc- i know his no was a definite one- but to at least having ahd the opportunity to explain myself to the only person who ever saw something good in me- hey- imnot blaming anyone but i come from a big family of achievers - and being compared to others was never to my liking. i realsie now he was really seeing something good in me- but since i saw myself as ugly , fat, moody person, i could not allowa nyone else to love me , though i really loved him.
please if you have taken the trouble to read till here i would really be interested to hear your opinion. sometimes i feel life is not worth living.
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