Posted by Ella (18.104.22.168) on June 09, 2003 at 15:51:10:
Looks like there's been a lot of posts that I haven't read. Well, hohum, I'm in a talking mood this morning and not to listening one.
This might just be a vent, but feel free to comment anyway. :)
Went to a party last night. Yeah, bad start to a worser story.
I have a habit lately of keeping my glass in my hand and drinking until I realise I'm drunk. Hum, no. Tht sucks and I wish I didn't. I guess it's not grave alcoholism, as I'm not vomiting, falling-down drunk, I'm just idiotic and so therefore I feel like no-one's going to take me seriously. Plus, it didn't help that my two funny-but-BRUTAL type6 friends decided to sit on the stairs and be really rude and scathing.
I spose it didn't help that I had no Drunkgirl Friend. Usually, at parties, when one or more of us gets drunk, we stick together, or at least stick around someone sober. But unfortch I was stuck with two evil bitches and my lovely other type 4 who I don't think realised what was going on.
So anyway, I was just so pissed off and disappointed by myself, and now feel regretful.
Worst of all, and I am so ahsamed to admit this because it's so stupid, I have been hearing a lot of self-harm talk lately and I thought, "hey, maybe it makes you feel better."
I know, I know.
So now I have two little cuts on the ball of my foot (*rolls eyes* I can feel it when I walk) and a scratched, scabby patch about an inch square on my stomach. I am not even going to try to explain either. But for now, I will wear huge jumpers and not go out for a month.
I thought maybe I had a huge sea of despondency to wash away. But I think I'm just a little apathetic or something. I need an emotional project, lol, like a lover.
Well, ciao for now, pussy-cats, and may the swoon be with you.
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