Posted by TheBlob (220.127.116.11) on June 20, 2003 at 07:37:07:
In Reply to: what to do with a mother's love? posted by Margaret (18.104.22.168) on June 20, 2003 at 00:43:04:
> I don't even want to believe her anymore. She used to throw me in mental institutions all the time all the way up to age 29, she would call the police on me, I would be sitting there reading a book, and she would have them come inside and 'surprise' me, chain and handcuff me head to toe, take me out in front of all the neighbors outside and take me to the mental ward, saying I was 'mental', 'something was wrong with me, and I needed to get it fixed'. Nobody, the doctors, never knew why, they would ask me why did she put me here, why am I here, waht was it that wrong with me, I would say, "I don't know, she won't tell me."
>>>>>This just sounds so abusive. And her telling you that you will ALWAYS be a loser, no one has the right to say that to anyone, it sounds like she is sick and lost in her own expectations which only God knows.
I have had much milder but similar reactions from my Philly-based family, they were always so proud of how well I did in school, but they were totally against my moving to NYC when I was 27. So at the times I was doing well in Manhattan, I'd send them copies of my published articles, postcards from the conventions my company sent me to (In FL and CA and upstate NYC), and once in awhile letters about all the things I was doing in the Village. I assumed that they were proud of me. When I moved back to Phila at age 31, what a fucking slap in the face I got. Evidently I was a "taboo" subject in the family for all those years. One of my neices (in her teens) saw my resume and was like, "You have a degree in Journalism? You lived in NYC? You worked as a writer?" in shock and some awe. I wanted to go stab my brother. THEY are the assholes, not me.
Get away from your mother! As soon as possible!
My husband had a very physically as well as mentally/emotionally abusive mother, and he has visited her only 2 or 3x -- and BRIEFLY, not even a full week -- in 20+ years. She does not admit to all the things she did to him and his older sister, though he and his sister have talked about it and know that it all really happened.
Now I understand more why you always call yourself a loser even though you seem to be just like the average human being, making it each day, NOT a loser. Losers are strung out on dope or running around committing crimes or just hopeless and out on a corner begging for money, homeless by choice. We all have failures mixed in with our successes. YOu will have to accept that your MOTHER'S voice will always be in your head, calling you names, but that it is HER and HER problems, . . ..
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