Posted by Justin (22.214.171.124) on June 23, 2003 at 12:04:53:
In Reply to: Hey, Justin posted by emoot(: (126.96.36.199) on June 23, 2003 at 11:36:41:
Glad to know a bit more about you too :) Was starting to get a bit worried that I might have started a battled on the board... didn't know why I sense a bit of hostility from some of the posts. Glad to know you are still around.
I noticed that you mentioned that you finally found some close friends. Man, I'd wish I have some. But like I said, it's not so much of that I do not have any, but not any at my age group. Plus the fact that you confirm yet again that I know more than I should, it shouldn't take more then 2 more cents to figure why I am lonely. I guess when you see the things others don't or sense the things people at your age wouldn't, you just end up... lonely.
The topic of God'd probably get trashed when some of them out there reads this, and Ig uess it is a sensitive topic, but in any case. It's probably visible to you by now that it is not that I do not know He is there, but it is more in I am trying to either get His attention like a child would, or rather, just trying to learn things the hard way. Sort of like, it's not that He does not exist, but the topic of Him, just revolves around too much subjectivity, and that, I really fear off. And myself being weak as I have mentioned to you before, really renders me to make some precautionary steps such as isolate myself from the church congregation to "find" the "real" God. (which obviously has landed me in a deep pile of no good shit at this ver moment? :I)
I do not understand what you mean when you say I am close to finding answer because for all I feel right now, I can only sense that I am going further and further away from Him. And though I really am learning more and more about the "other" side. I find that if I ever end up being with Him again, such knowledge and sensations I have accumulated now probably would come to very good use with Him and for Him.
That having been said, I probably sound like a two face bastard compared to the other posts I have been posting. The fact howeverm I guess is more in my own multiple personality in which I have always notices. It's like I'd get hyped up about one thing when I am hyped up, and though the topic of God is getting harded and harded to be hyped up about, I can only hope that the trend will take a u-turn somewhere int he near future.
Don't know if I am making sense to any of you, but man, I am fried. Got some work I need to hand in soon and I have done shit about it. If anyone has heard of the APA- I hate it. They come up with these blardy regulations as to how journals have to be standardised and it is making cooking up this piece of work double the amount of the effort! :( ... grrr....
Glad to know you've had some good experience with close encounter with death Emoot, cause that's what I'll be doing come another 3 days. Will be heading for multiple adrenalin driven activities in what I think is being driven by my desire to hype up my life again (will be sky diving, hang gliding, water rafting... and bungy jumping... ) hope these things will be enough to run me out of this "early midlife crisis" I am going through (just plain dullness and hopelessness). (perhaps I will be able to draw similarities between your car crash with my paid experiences...! :P they probably revolve around the same physiological processes anyway:P )
So E, how did you learn what you know now? I mean, don't tell me it is about experience again plsssss? Cause I am really fed up of this "I wished I were born 30 year earlier, then I wouldn't have to live with this gap I have with other kids right now thing..." :( Any 4s out there who is around my age and have the same problem? Come, I'll buy you a drink, we can *sob* together! :(
Bakc to work,
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