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cant let go
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cant let go

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Posted by justanillusion ( on June 23, 2003 at 21:54:53:

First off, I should say that I'm only 16. I discovered the enneagram in English class and really liked the way it described my 4ishness so perfectly...

My problem is that I don't know how to let go of an ex. It's been 1.5 years since we broke up, and still I think about him everyday. Fantasize. I know he's not right for me but I can't really believe it. I feel like I've turned him into the perfect guy, even though I know in my mind that he's not. I feel like my obsession is becoming really unreasonable and I don't know what to do. I'll still cry over him. In my heart, I think that our love was perfect. Yet I know that I'm really only a kid, and that there's no reason for me to still be so upset and bitter. I've figured myself out but I can't change.

I've actually managed to have another relationship since then, with another four, but that didn't last long because I started missing my previous ex.

Most people I know my age seem to have fleeting relationships, or at least move on quickly. I really feel like I'm missing out on something. Then again, I know I don't want fleeting relationships but something real and deep. Like I think I had with my first ex, although this may not have actually been the case. So I can't let go. Yet, in many ways I know that I continue to cling to my dream of this supposedly perfect love because I need to believe that life can be perfect and happy - even though I know life can't ever really be that way. I feel like a mess of ironic self-contradictions...

Any advice would be greatly appreciated..

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