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Posted by emoot(: ( on June 24, 2003 at 13:18:40:

In Reply to: Yo! E. posted by Justin ( on June 23, 2003 at 12:04:53:

=Sorry, I ran out of time yesterday.... I had a couple more comments....they are intermingled below in response to some of your comments.

> Glad to know a bit more about you too :) Was starting to get a bit worried that I might have started a battled on the board... didn't know why I sense a bit of hostility from some of the posts. Glad to know you are still around.

= Yeah, sometimes hostility just flares up on the board.... I don't understand it really. Well, maybe I do but I don't want to analyze it too deeply. (:

> I noticed that you mentioned that you finally found some close friends. Man, I'd wish I have some. But like I said, it's not so much of that I do not have any, but not any at my age group. Plus the fact that you confirm yet again that I know more than I should, it shouldn't take more then 2 more cents to figure why I am lonely. I guess when you see the things others don't or sense the things people at your age wouldn't, you just end up... lonely.

= Yeah, it is easy to be misunderstood. I had friends who appreciated my humor but they never appreciated the emotional/ deeper side of me.. very much(and that is my preferential mode of communication). I don't think I ever really had any fourish type friends until just now in my life.... I finally ran into some at work and church. I have a friend (INFJ -writer... )who can follow my subject changing conversational style all over the place and never miss a beat....even on the deepest subjects, she hangs in there ) When I first met her it was like we started talking and a light bulb went off in both our heads .... she made the comment,..."How come I don't have to work so hard at talking with you?" Then she said somehthing about hating small talk and I knew I was dealing with somebody who was similar to me. She is either a four or a nine....I am still not sure. Probably more four.

Oddly, I'd think that some of your psych classmates would be fourish types...

I have found a bastion of fours just recently in a writer's group.. or at least they are mostly NF types... (I use mbti descriptions more easily because it is more in my background.)

> The topic of God'd probably get trashed when some of them out there reads this, and Ig uess it is a sensitive topic, but in any case. It's probably visible to you by now that it is not that I do not know He is there, but it is more in I am trying to either get His attention like a child would, or rather, just trying to learn things the hard way. Sort of like, it's not that He does not exist, but the topic of Him, just revolves around too much subjectivity, and that, I really fear off. And myself being weak as I have mentioned to you before, really renders me to make some precautionary steps such as isolate myself from the church congregation to "find" the "real" God. (which obviously has landed me in a deep pile of no good shit at this ver moment? :I)

= Well, I can say one thing for sure.... I understand what you are saying about subjectivity. From what I have learned, God is a subject that can easily get confusing...because everybody has their own take on Him. That is ok but there is a point where many of us humans have tried to add our own things onto God, which truly aren't part of the God thing.
Like in religion....there are a lot of "Christian centered religions" that are "good works" based. It's definitely not about good works.(sure doing good is nice but it isn't the point...it's more of the product of being a Christian..... not the way to being a Christian) I think I understand how all of this got confused or a least somewhat messed up in the collective mind of humanity.

Communication with God in the OT, leading up to Jesus, was largely structured on rules and rituals. When Jesus showed up on the scene, He released people from the laws and replaced it with a relationship with Him. I think over time people just couldn't accept the fact that it was suddenly so simple.... so they continued over the centuries to keep rituals and rules for whatever reason....perhaps it lended itself more to our human nature of wanting to control life.

If you read the NT (NIV).... you'll see what I mean. It's all in there and I have known a couple of people who said that everything they were taught in church ran in contradiction to what the NT actually said. It was enlightening for them.... Somehow it produces what I consider to be pure Christianity for someone who is really seeking God..... without all the human constraints and add ons.

It's a very *non* self -righteous thing.....producing a type of strength through a meek and gentle nature.

Also, I'd say that looking for God in isolation is difficult...because so many times people are the vessels you can actually see Christ working through. It would be neat and perhaps help you in your search to find a Christ centered church....
If you ever meet Christians who are truly making Christ the model for their life.... they aren't going to be hung up on rules or be force feeding you religion. I'd say the benchmark of a solid Christian is acceptance of others ...no matter where they are in life. If you could find a church like that...it'd be pretty cool and helpful.

> I do not understand what you mean when you say I am close to finding answer because for all I feel right now, I can only sense that I am going further and further away from Him. And though I really am learning more and more about the "other" side. I find that if I ever end up being with Him again, such knowledge and sensations I have accumulated now probably would come to very good use with Him and for Him.

= The reason I say you are close is because you are asking the questions. Because you are asking, you are caring. If you didn't care at all....you'd be the furtherest away.

= I agree that whatever gifts you have....will come to very good use if you use them for Him.

> That having been said, I probably sound like a two face bastard compared to the other posts I have been posting. The fact howeverm I guess is more in my own multiple personality in which I have always notices. It's like I'd get hyped up about one thing when I am hyped up, and though the topic of God is getting harded and harded to be hyped up about, I can only hope that the trend will take a u-turn somewhere int he near future.

> Don't know if I am making sense to any of you, but man, I am fried. Got some work I need to hand in soon and I have done shit about it. If anyone has heard of the APA- I hate it. They come up with these blardy regulations as to how journals have to be standardised and it is making cooking up this piece of work double the amount of the effort! :( ... grrr....

> Glad to know you've had some good experience with close encounter with death Emoot, cause that's what I'll be doing come another 3 days. Will be heading for multiple adrenalin driven activities in what I think is being driven by my desire to hype up my life again (will be sky diving, hang gliding, water rafting... and bungy jumping... ) hope these things will be enough to run me out of this "early midlife crisis" I am going through (just plain dullness and hopelessness). (perhaps I will be able to draw similarities between your car crash with my paid experiences...! :P they probably revolve around the same physiological processes anyway:P )

= Well, it will definitely wake you up... that's for sure!.. :)

> So E, how did you learn what you know now? I mean, don't tell me it is about experience again plsssss? Cause I am really fed up of this "I wished I were born 30 year earlier, then I wouldn't have to live with this gap I have with other kids right now thing..." :( Any 4s out there who is around my age and have the same problem? Come, I'll buy you a drink, we can *sob* together! :(

> Bakc to work,

=I learned a lot by reading and getting to know those ...very accepting Christians. It's very fun to theologically bounce ideas and things off of other Christians...you can get a lot more insight that way.

Also, I learned a lot from just my own gumption to seek out God... from what I already knew was on the inside.

> Justin

Have fun!

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