Posted by Never enough? (18.104.22.168) on June 28, 2003 at 11:40:04:
I am not called by God to be single. I am called by God to be connected, bonded, cherished--loved and loving--of one being with God and all--would that not be best experienced, explored, manifested in essentially an exclusive partnering? (and thereby played out in all other relationships?)
I believe this.
It is said the curse of the 4 is to never have what is most deeply desired. It is written the promise of God is to be given the desires of the heart. Is my heart wrong? Will I never have the fulfillment/experience of reciprocated love because I desire it so deeply? Or do I understand that the promise is "the desire is given" but not the experience/fulfillment?
Desire is madness and the root of all suffering. This is from God? My desire is to be consumed...by God...in a relationship... How screwed up is that? But I want to exist. Who am I?
I am over 4 decades rooted in longing...in desire...in creating in a deeper space what eludes me in the daily. Have I become insulated from the very experience I long for? Am I missing it in experiences...unrecognized?
Is my definition of loving/being loved preventing me from receiving/experiencing loving/being loved?
May I shift into receiving the gift at hand... May I be free from over-analyzing, from fearing, from denying...
Was it a warning?...what Jesus said? -- Ask...and you'll get an answer...what you look for is what you'll find... Do you really want that door open?
I have a friend who declares God is her significant other. Not bad... but is it a copout to risking intimacy with someone?
And how do you know swine unless you first offer it a string of pearls?
Which way is up?
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