Posted by The4Blob (184.108.40.206) on July 01, 2003 at 08:36:47:
In Reply to: curse of the 4? posted by Never enough? (220.127.116.11) on June 28, 2003 at 11:40:04:
> I am not called by God to be single. I am called by God to be connected, bonded, cherished--loved and loving--of one being with God and all--would that not be best experienced, explored, manifested in essentially an exclusive partnering? (and thereby played out in all other relationships?)
> I believe this.
> It is said the curse of the 4 is to never have what is most deeply desired. It is written the promise of God is to be given the desires of the heart. Is my heart wrong? Will I never have the fulfillment/experience of reciprocated love because I desire it so deeply? Or do I understand that the promise is "the desire is given" but not the experience/fulfillment?
> Desire is madness and the root of all suffering. This is from God? My desire is to be consumed...by God...in a relationship... How screwed up is that? But I want to exist. Who am I?
> I am over 4 decades rooted in longing...in desire...in creating in a deeper space what eludes me in the daily. Have I become insulated from the very experience I long for? Am I missing it in experiences...unrecognized?
> Is my definition of loving/being loved preventing me from receiving/experiencing loving/being loved?
> May I shift into receiving the gift at hand... May I be free from over-analyzing, from fearing, from denying...
> Was it a warning?...what Jesus said? -- Ask...and you'll get an answer...what you look for is what you'll find... Do you really want that door open?
> I have a friend who declares God is her significant other. Not bad... but is it a copout to risking intimacy with someone?
> And how do you know swine unless you first offer it a string of pearls?
> Which way is up?
> And you?
>>>>>>First, I hope you listen to my answer even though I do not look to the Bible for answers to my life questions (or, rather, I do occasionally see stuff from the Bible played out in real life, but I do not look to it as more important than, say, what Socrates or Jung or many others have written.)
Are you a woman who is hoping to have a child or children? If that is the root of the strong urge to merge, I would suggest taking matters into your own hands, men don't feel the same need to hurry and get started by mid-30s -- early 40s. If you can afford it, adopt or find some other way to conceive, relationship free.
Are you a heterosexual woman looking for a man (and, ultimately, a lifelong mate) who fits some kind of "standard"? (I remember one woman saying that she doesn't expect much from a man, just at least a $70,000 anuual gross income -- all I could do was shake my head.) Again, many men do not seem to place much importance on intimate relationships. It's funny but all of the dorks I work with here are married -- to women very much above average in looks and education. In this case it's all about conformity and having the trophy wife and 2.5 kids or whatever the stat is now. From my (cynical) perspective, their marriages look pretty empty. If that's what you want, I have doubts about it happening.
If you do not fit the above 2 scenarios -- if you are straight, gay, or bi, and just want the person who makes you happy and vice versa, not some preconceived notions of the kids, the nice house, etc., then why don't you try to meet some of the type 4s that come on here? Or, you sound religious, doesn't your church have social functions?
Yes it is a copout to risk intimacy with others, unless you are one of the few who are chosen to be a nun. I doubt you are one of those if you long so much for a significant other.
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