Posted by The4Blob (220.127.116.11) on July 09, 2003 at 11:05:39:
I already have a job and it is BORING; and the 23 people in my department above me in rank keep getting more and more money whereas the 5 women and me at the bottom haven't gotten SQUAT over the past 3 years; AND I am constantly snubbed socially, both for business-related functions and for more fun Friday night-type things.
All three things bother me.
I've contacted the appropriate person about testing for my licenses in the next 3 months. I'm terrified that I will fail but I will study until I feel I've crammed it all in my brain, then take the damn tests. Even if I fail, at least I will have broken this terrible procrastination cycle.
With the tests out of the way, I want to go somewhere else. I'll have almost nothing to show for being here for four years -- just the experience, being able to handle this job for this long. I have no house (we still rent a 2-bedroom apartment), I still have some debts to pay off (less than $1500 in credit cards plus maybe $500 more in miscellaneous), we have very little for our kids (they each will have EE bonds worth about $1000 when they are 18), and my retirement account is only a few grand vested (less than $5000). Not much to point to after coming here with such high hopes more than 3 years ago. I gave up an easy part-time job with GREAT benefits for this bullshit. I used to have time with my kids.
I know, I know, I should feel lucky to have a job -- but what about when it eats away at your integrity? That you know inside you were meant to be so much more?
I'm the typcial type 4 in that the jobs that interest me, and, luckily, for which I have some ability, training, and experience, are all in the literary and visual arts world. I love music, too, but have only kept that as a hobby. I like the social sciences, and would love to be a researcher and counselor (maybe teacher?) on top of the communications (literary/visual arts) work. So I'm not a completely shapeless blob, just a floundering one.
I think I'm a 4 with both wings balanced, and I feel I jump around in the subtypes.
And Margaret, I'm sure I'm not the only one who's wondering where you are?
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