Posted by The4Blob (188.8.131.52) on July 11, 2003 at 12:04:57:
Was just at the bookstore, and I checked out a book on SHAME, since it is the core issue for a Social 4.
The author states that ALL humans have a need for the 5 As: attention, approval, acceptance, admiration, and affirmation. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks these are basic human needs! Maybe Type 4 Socials need them more than most because we were deprived of them at some point (in my case, high school). The great Deras (similarminds.com) believes that humans should rise above needing these things.
The book stated something that is played out in my life: you conform sometimes even though you know you are being phony and then feel ashamed afterward, or you are your true self (nonconformist) and risk being rejected and not getting your 5 As met. In my case, I have been 95% rejected at my current job because I am a nonconformist in some ways -- I'm being myself.
The book then describes how that shame trigger can lead to rage -- YES! Like, "they shamed me in high school, now if they are going to try and shame me again by ignoring or flat-out rejecting me, I will NOT feel that pain again and so I must attack them!"
Unfortunately, the book says that striking back in rage does not get rid of the painful shame feelings. The only way to get rid of those feelings is to get both external and internal positive attention, approval, acceptance, admiration, and affirmation. What you all have been telling me -- I need to get another job.
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