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am I a 4 or 5?
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am I a 4 or 5?

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Posted by schrips ( on July 13, 2003 at 16:43:25:

So I've been pretty interested in the enneagram for a couple years and have taken just about every (free) test out there....sometimes it comes back 5 sometimes 4. I can't decide! Ack... I tend to answer personality tests in general as I want to be, not as I am. The other problem I think might be my home situation growing up. My dad is an 8, my mom a 9--both in the average range. My dad was (and still is) constantly demeaning her for expressing her emotions, so I may have picked up on that idea that emotionality is a weakness... Unfortunately it was only reinforced by my mom's 9ish "treat me like a doormat" actions, which really angered me. So I guess I'm not sure if I'm not comfortable expressing my emotions because I've subconciously adopted my dad's 8 attitude (a typical 4 self-hatred aspect may be at work here too) or if I'm just a 5. It's almost like I really just don't want to be a 4 because I pride myself in my intelligence and somehow see 5s being more intelligent (I know this is total BS). Yet I also majored in biology in college and as a kid used to read medical encyclopedias for fun...not so 4ish. However, my actions under stress or comfort seem to coincide better with the 4 directions or integration/disintegration. Does anyone out there have any ideas? or is anyone struggled with the same question? Thanks

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