Posted by katy (22.214.171.124) on July 22, 2003 at 15:27:16:
In Reply to: Re: Physical Intimacy posted by cj (126.96.36.199) on July 22, 2003 at 09:13:36:
> > Yeah, I know how you feel. My mother's an EIGHT/ONE combo, not exactly into that sort of thing. I didn't get hugged for as long as I could remember. In my society everyone was very repressed and inhibited - no touching.........it was like living in an emotional siberia. Bless G-d I got out of there. I am still alone and CRAVING for physical touch but at least I've found friends who do know how to hug. I actually read in a book about 'touch' that it has been scientifically proven that touch to humans can heal. Having been through a very traumatic life - I come from an abusive background........parents divorced and I divorced too after I fell in with a abusive guy.........I recognise the importance of touch and feel that it actually heals me to get touched. It's also a good idea if you live alone to get a massage.
> > Good luck and enjoy!
> > hugs and much love,\
> > Kathy
> I understand too!! Grew up with a 1 father (allergic to affection) and a narcissisitc 7 mother, hugs were a birthday/Christmas event. My husband is a very affectionate 4/3 and I LOVE it. My upbringing was so cold and repressed, it was a revelation for me to find something completely different that I craved my whole life. It is wonderful to find something you've been looking for and realize that you were not defective or crazy to want something your family doesn't value at all (and makes fun of other people for)...
I'm glad your husband gives you what you need. Are you a 4/3 or 4/5?? I'm a 4/5 and couldn't cope with the repression. My family thought I was weird when I complained about not being understood or loved. There are some countries, in general, where touching is not the norm. I grew up in England - The people reflect the weather - cold and dull!!! How did you manage while you grew up? It doesn't sound like it was one bit easy!!
This is from the book on touch which I took out from the library:
> Sidney Jourard, a University of Florida psychologist, visited cafes in
> different parts of the world and recorded the number of times two people
> who were sharing coffee touched each other. In London the tally was 0, in
> Ginesville, Florida, 2; in Paris 110, and in San Juan, Puerto Rico, more
> than 180.....................
> According to Ashley Montagu, "England is a land full of peculiar people,
> people who are s, who seldom touch each other, and in which one
> apologizes to one's father or one's mother when one touches them
> ally. This, of course, was a rule in well-bred families which
> means more care in breeding horses than care in breeding
> The physician P. N. K. Heylings wrote an article in the British Medical
> Journal entitled, "The No Touching Epidemic - an English Disease." The
> symptoms he describes include feelings of loneliness and isolation, doubts
> about other people's loyalties, feelings of insecurity, emotional
> inhibitions, unusual reactions both to being inadvertently touched and to
> touching others , inability to communicate with people standing nearby,
> antagonism to massages as a form of therapy............
> Postpartum complications such as muscle spasms, congestion and ppd can
> be prevented by massage therapy. In Malaysia, mothers are routinely
> massaged by their mother or grandmother on the second day after giving
> birth, and then every day for six weeks after that. Massaging dilates the
> mothers' vessels, which generally improves their overall circulation
> and helps prevent muscle spasms and congestion. In one of our studies, we
> gave depressed teenage mothers thirty-minute massages twice a week for a
> month after they had given birth; these massages not only alleviated their
> depression and their stress hormone levels (decreased cortisol), but also
> increased their serotonin levels. The serotonin increase may also have
> helped to decrease their depression, inasmuch as serotonin is the body's
> natural equivalent of the chemical used in such antidepressants as
> Prozac. Another positive effect of the massaging was that EEG waves
> shifted from the right side of the brain, which processes negative
> emotions, to the left side, which processes positive emotions. We then
> these depressed teenage mothers massage their infants, which not only
> helped the infants but also helped the mothers in their relationship with
> their infants................
> Physical ........
> Several investigators, including Dr. J. H. Prescott, have suggested that
> touch deprivation in childhood leads to physical . He has
> that most juvenile delinquents and criminals come from neglectful or
> abusive parents and he believes that "the deprivation of body touch,
> contact and movement are the basic causes of a number of emotional
> disturbances including depressive and autistic behaviours, hyperactivity,
> ual aberration, abuse, and aggression." His theory is
> that the lack of sensory stimulation in childhood leads to an addiction to
> sensory stimulation in hood, resulting in delinquency, use and
> This theory came from a study conducted in forty-nine non-industrial
> cultures, from the Ainu in Japan to the Zuni in new Mexico. All these
> cultures were notably similiar, except that high rates of
> were observed in those cultures where the children received very little
> physical affection, and no occurred in those cultures with
> high levels of physical affection toward children. These findings could,
> of course, relate to other things, such as parental ual abuse, although
> the study found no cultural differences on this or any other variables.
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