Posted by schrips (220.127.116.11) on July 22, 2003 at 20:04:44:
In Reply to: the questionable price of pressure to "perform" posted by Margaret (18.104.22.168) on July 15, 2003 at 18:49:34:
So true, so true. My parents are also both workaholics, 8 father (self-explanatory) and a 9 mother (don't bother yourself, I'll take care of it). I was also raised dutch calvinist...talk about a work ethic (if it feels good, it must be a sin! You are going to hell!) Anyway....I always feel like a big slacker when I'm home. I just graduated from college with a bachelor's in biology and still have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do with my life. The economy's so shitty now I can't even get a scut work job anywhere near my field...which is what I planned on doing just to figure out what I really love before I head back to school. Right now I'm thinking science writing, maybe I'll even be the next Stephen J. Gould...haha. I'm sure that my direction will change though because I can never make a decision. On career day in second grade I actually came home crying because I couldn't decide on a career and felt angry at the teacher for forcing me to make such a big decision and all the other kids for already knowing they wanted to be firemen or doctors. Ah...commitment issues. ;)
> ****Definitely. I think a lot of this has to do with feeling pressure by other types that we always have to be constantly "working". My mother, a ONE, and father, a THREE, combined made a very workaholic type atmosphere. The pre-boomer-age "old school" Protestant-type-work-ethic pounded into them, making anyone else who had so-called 'fun' or simply wanted to do something they thought enjoyable look "bad". So naturally, I grew up thinking (also being told) that I was "bad" and "wrong" and "abnormal" simply because I wanted to something for a lving that personally fulfilled me as well as had a 'purpose', and if I could enjoy it, even the better.
> But so many things I've tried I just got so "scolded" and teased and taunted for it, anything that was too much a stretch was ridiculed. If I ever attempted to try for something 'big', I was mentally made to 'pay' for it. And mentally I did. So I basically over the years got molded into making sure my 'dreams' weren't anything 'big' or too 'attention-getting'.
> All bullshit, I can assure you this. But my confidence, and probably more so, my energy and motivation, all got pretty much stamped out ot me, to the point were I want nothing, but to live pretty relatively isolated, in a huge huge forest with mountains, lakes, deer, bear, in a log cabin, pretty much isolated, on a very rural route, mayb a small town or two somewhat close by a ways, but nothing too big or too far.
> Anyway, what I'm getting at is, yeah, I still am not where I want to be at life wise either. However, I do know that, to live where you 'job' is will bring you nothing but dissapointment. Because the one thing that I learned, in coming over and trying to live in NY and Phil metro where both places I thought would bring me fulfillment (and money - don't laugh) through the job opportunity route, ended up not doing that. Because no job is written in stone, no matter what people promise you. Don't ever move or live somewhere just because you think there is job opportunity, believe me, on my experience, those promises will never hold up, ever.
> But all in all, I am not bitter. Because it ended up bringing me something else. It brought me to see more clearly what I am going to do shortly. That is live by a lake up north. Just get a modest job somewhere doing some office work in the meantime. Filing, typing, answer phones, nothing big, just as long as the office is relatively quiet and free from too much busy-ness and pressure.
> Although ultimaly all I really wish for is to work somewhere completely alone. One idea I have is that I'm going to start looking for some wood, and see if I can get started building my own wooden furniture, just one or two peices for starts. Who knows, if I could get good at that, one by one, piece by peice at a time, over the years, down the road, I could do that for a living, that would be good. That I could do, alone.
> Then you have the weekends, just save the weekends for doing what you enjoy. This weekend, I'm going out to central PA to see a rodeo maybe, and then later to the Alleghenies. And save for some other time, like next year, I will go out to the Rockies, to Wyoming, Yellowstone Park.
> Of course, I'd like to work on building relationships with others too. I guess I haven't been as good at this areas for so long due to getting overly pre-occupied and too over- focused on what I should be 'doing' with my life "achievement" "accomplishment"-wise and so on, I forgot what it meant to be like making and keeping a simple friendship, just simple frienship with others. However, I am getting there, too. Just takes a little time, that's all.
> You too, will get to where you want, just remember, take your time, one step at a time, and don't forget, above all else, about building and maintaining simple friendship with people, nothing big and mighty, nothing fancy or huge, jsut something plain, small, simple. But with other people, in all the hustle and bustle of busy "achievement", "success", "sinning", etc, etc, none of that is really of that important, not really, not really when at bottom, you forget the very what you are sacrificing for this "achievment" - is for nothing. For after all, what good is "success" when after you're won it, you find you are all alone, you have no one, who loves you, who likes you, who cares about you, and you them, to share it with?
> Take care Jules, hope this helps, keep your chin up, and good luck, Margaret
> > ****** Thanks you guys. At least I'm not the only one that feels this way..
> > > > >>>>>Yes I have felt that way. Type 4/3 Soc/sx, INXP
> > > > My career condensed -- National Merit Scholar to Drexel Univ. in 1980 for electrical engineering -- I didn't even last a year in engineering!
> > > > 1981 -- 1984 -- Temple University -- graduated w/BA in Journalism
> > > > 1985 -- 1991 worked full-time in 4 different corporations, in communications department. Was never promoted beyond clerical/technical ranks. Basically was just overlooked in corporations.
> > > > 1991 -- 1994 stunning flop at attempts to be a freelance writer and artist -- too scared to even try music (lit, art, music my 3 loves) Lived off of welfare and my parents
> > > > 1994-95-Part-time night waitress at Dunkin Donuts
> > > > 1995-2000 -- Part-time cashier at SuperFresh supermarket
> > > > 2000-present -- back in corporate communications, full-time, still being held at low level, still being overlooked
> > > > Favorite thing other than the arts -- psychology! (how I discovered the Enneagram)
> > > > It's a tough world for most people like us -- do what you like and starve, or make decent money and hate the routine job. Maybe I'll get more optimistic as the economy improves.
> > > >
> > > My job history stinks too. Raz, I just emailed you. You know, that philly college that offers a MS degree in biomed writing, it's too expensive, but I was thinking if I could get a clerical type job at a pharm co that offers tuition, then I could get them to finance it and then after a couple of years, start making decent salary with the degree. The only problem is, I also want to move up northeast PA next year and live up there year round because it's so wonderful, pretty and peaceful. Also, I might want to go to school to be a surgical assistant or if that's too hard, maybe take medical transcription office class and work in med office, but that is also low paying, unfortunately. I just wish I had some way to finance living up north year round, it's so pretty up there. Also, I wonder, if your husband is from WI, he must think the same thing about rural PA. It reminds me so much of WI where my family is also from too ( which is why I must like it so much:)
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