Posted by katy (220.127.116.11) on July 22, 2003 at 22:26:25:
In Reply to: Re: keep your wits about you posted by Lakhesis (18.104.22.168) on July 22, 2003 at 21:05:22:
> You are absolutely right.
> To cut a long story short, my other flatmates have identified that this guy has some pretty major issues. addiction is one. addiction is suspected. After a long talk last night, it was decided to ask him to leave.
> What happened was this: he offered me emotional and physical intimacy STRAIGHT away. It was all too easy. I got caught in a whirlwind.
> I trust my flatmates deeply- they know me well, and they said that they were very worried about my safety with this guy, because I was behaving so strangely and in such an unbalanced way. In retrospect, yes, I was.
> What terrifies me is that I have now identified that my physical and emotional need for intimacy is so deep and so easily nourished, that I'm actually putting myself at risk of serious hurt and serious dysfunction.
> I feel devestated.
I am SO sorry for you! and I apologise for the bad advice, Remember, though that HE has a problem and NOT you!!!!! To need physical intimacy is a basic human need and there's nothing to be ashamed of. The gift in this episode is that you can acknowledge that you have the need and accept that and to make sure that you are cautious who you receive that kind of love from. I'm sure you feel so down that you cannot appreciate that he taught you something.........It took me a while, too, to learn to appreciate the gifts my ex-gay-abusive-husband taught me - namely to trust my intuition and listen to what my heart is telling me as opposed to relying on other's advice.........I came to the conclusion that life is one big school with lots of painful lessons. The good thing is though - that once we've learnt the lesson it doesn't get repeated over again!!! (Get ready for the next lesson!!!! I was SURROUNDED by abusive people UNTIL I learnt to be assertive and say NO - I don't deserve all that. Reading Debbie Ford's books on the Shadow part of us helped me alot!!)
Sorry again and hope you find somebody soon who CAN give you the love and intimacy you need!
Lots of love,
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