Posted by Margaret (126.96.36.199) on July 25, 2003 at 15:33:34:
In Reply to: Seductive Styles of 4s posted by The4Blob (188.8.131.52) on July 25, 2003 at 11:41:45:
***I was alwasy really popular. Total extrovert, social, pom-pom girl, cheerleader, party type with so many friends and so many social invitations and parties, I didn't know how to organize it all.
I didn't start moving to the opposite side, getting 'introverted' and 'withdrawn' to the 'darker/moodier' side until my mid to late twenties. My peak 'dark/down' side came out in my late twenties, when I literally "checked out" (shut myself off from total communication/integration with the rest of the world - had contact with absolute no one) of society and lived as some kind of an "outlaw" practically. The early thirties I spent (here on this board, actually) getting myself out of the hole I dug in.
Now, in my mid-thirties, when I look back, I seemed to have done just that pretty darn well (despite the couple of minor depressive episodes that I'm sure you have seen from the posts I wrote during those moments), on the whole, I am pleased with having getting back to being normal healthy self again in a normal, healthier, better-adjusted life.
I have been getting many job interviews and have developed many contacts and many friends and everyone seems to pretty much like me, and I them, which is good and something I am pleased with. I once again have developed quite a list of telephone numbers of all kinds of people I can call if I need something or just to say hi.
Although this time around it is primarily very business-oriented as opposed to being primarily social-oriented I had when younger, I suppose that is also only natural since when younger you have few concerns about earning a living, whereas an adult you don't have much choice.
But still, regardless, whether social or business, it's still a list of people I can contact and say hi to, and that's always been something I felt good about.
As for having developed a network of people I can stay in contact/touch with, this might have something to do with a three wing (being liked/admired by lots of people), but it is in a healthy way in that I don't "depend" upon it either. I know that naturally somewhere along the line not all people will like me, and some I'll just have to pass by and keep moving forward, but for the most part, when I look back at it, all the 'rejection' I thought people would have given me, they never really did give me. That whole time. Instead I just imagined that they would, so 'hid' myself because of what I imagined. That whole time, the time I cut myself off from rest of society, it was just me, and what I imagined others would do, not something that they or anyone actually ever really did.
As for enjoying (and needing from time to time) the whole solitude/exclusion idea, I don't feel there's anything wrong or 'dark' to it, I beleive you can still enjoy, like and need the solitude part without it having to be a 'dark' thing. You can still enjoy it and have it and be healthy too. And I truly feel that is where I am right now. And that is probably the once different I have/am right now than before when younger. Now I can and do enjoy solitude and make time for it, and have it be a healthy thing, as opposed to an unhealthy thing, like before when I felt if you were 'alone' , then you were 'wrong', 'abnormal' or 'bad'. Now I know it is not, unless you make it that way. And as of today, I certainly don't make it that way. I am healthy and intend to keep it healthy.
As for the club scene, I have the same interest, we are close by, you have my email, we could that together some time, after the summer is over if you want. That would be cool. :)
> It always worked for me, and I didn't know I was a 4/3 sox/sx or INFP back then -- I naturally gravitated toward black clothes, but with a decidedly casual flavor -- like a black lace top over blue jeans and black boots -- same with hair, whether straight or wavy I wore it looking windblown, casual, and I liked the pale skin with brooding lined eyes and dark lips look -- and then I would go out and sit and listen to music (classic and modern rock of course) and drink and maybe indulge in other substances, then I'd just pray that some guy would come along who would want to talk about Kurt Cobain or the latest Scorcese film, and who actually had an IQ above 120; but the point I'm getting at here was that I never presented as an extraverted friendly fun person. Although I laughed and laughed at times and then would dance like an idiot only because I was drunk, I was basically someone who tried to draw men in with a smoldering intense look, and then depended on my wit and intelligence to keep someone's attention. Was I pretentious and overly cynical? Yes yes yes guilty. Did I sneer at nice friendly wholesome happy people? Yes yes yes guilty.
> By day, though, I am quite the respectable "librarian" looking girl.
> How do you Fours connect with others? Have you ever been rejected for not being more conventional, more easy going, more estraverted, etc?
> BTW, it's been so long since I've done the "club" scene that I would not know what to expect now. I'd love to experiment one night and go out "undercover" and see what it's like now.
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