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Posted by My Father's Son ( on July 28, 2003 at 23:10:54:

In Reply to: Hello posted by stephanie ( on July 28, 2003 at 21:09:36:

Try to find some way to have a place that is "yours" for you and
your husband. No matter how "good the location and rent," a personal
price is being paid. If a graduation or similar event is on the horizon,
that can be the target. Otherwise, you and your husband will need to
decide on the deadline for "living together on our own in our own place."
Meanwhile you are a "guest" in the inlaws' home." Will you feel comfortable
starting a family under "Dad's roof?" It's time for negotiating nicely, but
clearly with your husband; "I want a place of our own; I will help you make
it possible. I am asking you to make a committment to us, our family, our
future." It is a stretch for a new husband. His father might be an ally.
His "low rent" might be intended as goodwill. He might even agree that
"son" needs to make a move. My Father once said, "I appreciate your loyalty; your commitment belongs with your wife." He helped by encouraging
self sufficiency. It was nice to think I had a safety net; I was relieved
to know I was "released from family committments." Offspring either break
away or are let go. Birds push them out of the nest, Bears chase cubs up
a tree. Sometimes a gentle parental shove helps. Otherwise, you will have
to set a limit for yourself about how long you are willing to wait for the
marriage to be implemented. Any plans for children? Employment? Somehow
start a dialogue with your husband. Thirty is not too soon, nor too late.
It is about time, though. You may need outside help. Best wishes. Be
optimistic and put effort into making dreams a reality.

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