Posted by ZZTech2003 (126.96.36.199) on August 02, 2003 at 20:21:28:
In Reply to: Re: What is your obstacle to intimate relationship posted by schrips (188.8.131.52) on August 02, 2003 at 15:51:06:
externalised personality type.. You have a externalised personality problem not a weight problem. You are trying to define yourself by external madison ave standards and advertisers version of a woman. Their is no, "Ghost in the machine" of your person. There is not a, "Natural" bone in your body. You have been imprinted with the idea you need to, 'Define' youself to be alive. This is the, "Endless search for self" the four type suffers from. At the root of your problem is the fear of being rejected. So you are sub conscously bringing about reasons why you cannot enter a relationship to ward off rejection before it even happens. Dissappointment is your friend although you deny it and cant see it. You are trapped in this imprinted idea of "defineing yourself" rarthar than "being yourself" Becuse you dont have a true "inner self" or a permament "I" within. You seem to think your meaning in life is to have sex. Some of what you say seems to point to a type 1. personality type. Decision making is protracted out of a fear of making a mistake. If you are honest enough, see if you suffer from supressed anger, if so you are a type 1 going to the bad attributes of the type four. In the end I can see you dont know who you are because you are trying by every means outside of yourself in the world to fashion yourself after some imagined image of perfection.
You need to get after leaning your enneagram types and figure out which one you are and intergrate towards the healty aspects of the corrosponding type. In the meantime keep eating a exersiseing but change your focus to healing from the INSIDE and not so much on the OUTSIDE ie: Physical body. Who you are in your devine center will come back to you with a little effor and study. All these, "Problems" will then solve themselves.
Listen.. Nobody wants somebody with a huge problem. My wife had no tits when I married her 11 years ago. She has since grown some.. YES.. LOL. When you can return to center and get rid of your "Huge Problem" idenity you will find a guy fast. Your problem is, "Your Problem" get with the enneagram program here. This idea of "Inventing yourself" is nothing but, "False being" coatings of ego. To be real to life with all your heart is much better and natural than living out a false ego being coating of endlessly trying to "Define yourself" So quit all that lollygagging about and get Real To Life. When you become a natural happy loving person men will flock to you. Fat skinny or lumpy they just want a girl but not one with a terminal problem...
All your dreams can come true. It is possiable isnt it? But not on this, "Perfect body" hollywood trip.
Ok. now stand up, and say, "Damn I have been focusing in the wrong place all this time, I need to focus inwards."
When you have a change in you mind you will have a change in your life.
This 'problem' stuff has become your idenenty and you need to outdistance it and find your real self. Get to some real work. Keep up the eating and exersise tho... You will need a healthy body when you get back to your real center. This is my advice. Emotional thinking begets more emotional thinking. Serious searching and study begets serious healing results. Get off that trip and get on one that will make you realise what is making you tick that way. Then you will change for the better and have get you want.
P.S. Good luck. Sorry if I seem harsh but there is no way to break it to you gently.
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