Posted by Dee (126.96.36.199) on August 03, 2003 at 08:40:50:
In Reply to: Re: Hello posted by stephanie (188.8.131.52) on July 29, 2003 at 21:18:59:
Time for you and your husband to make a move it sounds. Time to go with your husband in a new direction. The road you are on has two many bumps for you as a Type 4 to deal with. I know you pay good rent, but money has to come second and your marriage first. Your sister-inlaw is not worth the time or energy that you have. She is directly fucking up your marriage and you are letting it happen! Once again, YOU are letting it happen. Our thoughts create our lives not our lives create our thoughts. You have a choice. It's always been there. MOVE OUT. Don't feel bad for doing this either. YOU ARE DOING THE RIGHT THING. I am saying this all from experience. I wont get into details, just to say that I lived with my boyfriends family for two years before we moved out, and did have at that time a better life for doing this. IT WORKED. You either shit, or get off the pot. It's as simple as that.
> > There is an example of the kind of pernicious person (your sister-in-law) who is probably an SJ -- if you can just ignore her and not let her affect your feelings, would there still be a problem? Types like that actually go out of their way to screw up our lives -- for example, you might get all set to go for a certain degree at school, and just then she'll talk your father-in-law into asking you and your husband to leave, perhaps ruining your plans because of the finances. Still you must be true to yourself and explore careers. I'm still trying to figure out what the 4s/NFs of the world should do to stop letting others take take take from us constantly when we are fulfilling our potential.
> I have ignored her and she has ignored me and letting her effect my feelings have been on and off. Only because she sometimes will do things like bring her friends over and they will all sit on the couch snickering and laughing and then I will hear whispering when I pass by to go to my room and all of a sudden I hear this roar of laughter. I just think to myself, that this will all pass. This is just an example of the some things she will do to try to get under my skin. Or she will say out loud so I can hear, about my husband's ex-girlfriend and how she is smart and pretty etc. Just stupid shit. It bothers me when it happens. It bothers me that she would even do this to me, when I have done NOTHING to her. Anyways, my husband does not even talk to her anymore either and I feel bad about that, thinking I have caused a family disconnect. He says that she has shown disrespect and he will just do the same, but I argue and tell him that she is still his family. He doesn't agree. Anyways, my husband and I just think it's either just her and her competitive spirit or her just being jealous of me for some crazy reason that I don't really think exists. Bottom line, I know that when I'm busy it helps to not think of all this craziness. I just feel sometimes that I just want to scream. I'm dependent on my husband, I've never been independent. I fantasize about it alot. I don't have a relationship with my parents. I would never go back to them. I feel like an outsider where I live now. I don't know, it just seems like I don't belong anywhere or I just struggle with people who just don't act freakin normal. I could never act like a jackass to someone unless they really asked for it. By the way, my father in law is aware of the situation and we have emailed back and forth a few times, he said he would never throw anyone out of the house, regardless of what has happened. He says he knows his daughter and her temperment and to just do the best I can. Sometimes I wish I could be anal retentive and to not feel so much. I feel like I'm being tortured sometimes. I've tried to think, OK, I'm not going to have a heart anymore and be made of STEEL, it never works!!!
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