Posted by Lakhesis (184.108.40.206) on August 04, 2003 at 20:23:47:
In Reply to: What is your obstacle to intimate relationship? posted by Margaret (220.127.116.11) on August 02, 2003 at 15:21:28:
All very interesting.
As part of trying to integrate my 'Shadow Self' (seriously important work for 4's), I've been re-reading the diaries I obsessively wrote as a teenager. They are dark and black and full of self-hatred, mainly pertaining to my body image an inability to create an intimate relationship.
Having come out of this, through a long, slow process of diet and lifestyle shifts, I can see that I was using my body image as a sort of EXCUSE to avoid intimacy- my sense of fatness and ugliness was purely a means to justify my inability to be intimate, and essentially pushed people away, even though I thought I wanted them.
My 'advice' is this- start to eat well, exercise, stretch, relax, look after yourself physically, but it's the internal stuff that really matters-look at your psychology, your psyche, figure out what it is you're scared of.
I say this from my current perspective: I'm now more attractive physically than I ever thought I could be. But I STILL feel defective and unlovable, because I have so much emotional work to do.
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