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a/k/a demystifying "romantic attraction" between 2
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a/k/a demystifying "romantic attraction" between 2

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Posted by Margaret ( on August 06, 2003 at 19:09:01:

In Reply to: About that body and relationship post posted by Margaret ( on August 06, 2003 at 18:57:00:

***I really probably should have better emphasized that this post really was not about attracting 'society', and not even about the body so much, as much as it was in trying to figure out how to get someone who you like in particular to like you and be attracted to you as well, which I always thought was done by figuring out how to get them to *reason* to themself how/that they should like you.

In other words, say I like someone, my question is: how can I get him to like me too?

> First I just wanted to say thank you Lakhesis, raz, shrips, savvy, and ZZtop for responding to my earlier post about the body being an obstacle to relationship.

> (Also, some jerk made this typing board type different size letters, and I don't know how do you stop this from doing this. Boy, is this annoying to look at. Anyway, I don't know how to change it back to all one size letter, so please bear with me.)

> What you all seemed to say was that body was too overemphasized in this culture day and age and I agree. The 'norms' of the media or whatever really are not healthy. And that the important thing is to just keep healthy body-wise and to not put so much stake on it personally.

> However, I was actually thinking of it not in terms of making society in general think I look attractive (truth is I'd rather have them *not* pay attention to me, I highly dislike being center of attention), I was actually thinking of trying to get just one particular person (intimate) attracted to me.

> Lakhesis as far as you said, you were using it as a reason to *avoid* establishing intimate relationship with another, and I think you pretty much said exactly what I was most likely doing too. I was using it as a reason to avoid intimate relationship too.

> I would say to myself, well, the reason I am not with (insert name) is because he wants someone who meets the criteria he put in his list, that in order for him to be intimately interested in someone, they have to meet certian criteria, one of them being that she must have large breasts, whatever, and I don't, so that means he can't be interested in me, because I don't meet his criteria.

> And who knows maybe, maybe not, but as raz, you said, what was interesting, was that your husband did not care what you looked like as much as he cared about your attitude toward him and that you were opend to his sexual advances.

> Which I had no idea about. I thought that in order for a guy to want you to be open to his sexual advances, you had to find out a way to meet his "criteria" FIRST, BEFORE he would decide whether or not he was intimately attracted to you or not.

> That being the case, I am not sure exactly *what* would he (or any other guy) think that makes him want you (or any other woman) to be open to him? In other words, don't guys have to establish some sort of reason and justification BEFORE allowing themself to be attracted to a woman?

> I don't understand, how can someone be attracted to another without having a pretty solid *reason* first?

> To be just randomly attracted to just anyone without *solid* reasoning behind it, that just doesn't seem possible, is all I'm saying. There's got to be a "catch" somewhere. You can't just make anyone think you're attractive for no reason, you have to have some kind of "reason" to provide them. Right?

> I mean why would a guy want to be interested in a particualr woman? I don't get it. Something has to be *making* him want that. Right? He can't just randomly all of a sudden out of the blue want to just be with someone or like someone for no reason, he has to have a *cause* FIRST, THEN he can feel his attraction to her, right? AFTER he justifies to himself that he has established "reasonable cause" to be interested in someone, THEN he can feel it, right?

> Right?

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