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Messages to Margaret and Savvy
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Messages to Margaret and Savvy


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Posted by The4Blob (12.108.99.30) on August 08, 2003 at 08:02:19:

I do not take offense to what you said, Margaret! But you should be careful not to just see some picture of domestic bliss when you look at anyone who is your age and already "settled": some of them could be really miserable but they cover it up especially if that is their type's inclination. (One thing I like about 4s is we DON't tend to cover it all up. )

And you also might have forgotten that I am 7 years older than you, which is also my daughter's age, and before my daughter was born I was pretty footloose & fancy free! I lived at parent's, only worked 28 hours a week as a night waitress in a Dunkin' Donuts, and spent my days completely free to sleep/nap, work out, read, go to therapy and 12-step meetings, shop, watch every single movie on cable and video, etc.etc.etc.

And as a Four, I often resent losing my time for myself to cater to family needs. My father (a 1/9 self pres, as traditional as you can get) recently gave me this big lecture after I complained that I couldn't stand the thought of being trapped with these 2 children for the next 15 years! I am glad to have them but have been fighting tooth and nail for the time I need for myself. There are just not enough hours in the day for a parent to attend to their kids AND attend to everything else in life, partly a fault of our crappy economy -- both of us work full-time, it seems unfair that we rarely get a break from work -- kids -- a few hours sleep -- work -- kids -- a few hours sleep -- etc. etc. etc. Oh and my house is still messy, I REFUSE to use my few precious moments free of work and kids to do housework. I'd weigh about 200 lbs by now if I didn't force my husband or parents to watch my kids once in awhile so I can at least work out. (The gymn I joined has a day care room so that might be an option too . . . )

And for Savvy, unless one is independently wealthy, I have found that I have to spend 95% of my time on uninteresting unenjoyable self-pres things (earning money, chores, cooking & eating, driving kids to THEIR activities, etc.) just to have a bit of time left for my real loves -- literature, art, film, and music. The paradox is that the more I cut back on self-pres things (including housekeeping) in order to have more time for my enjoyable pursuits, the less capability I have for those enjoyable pursuits!!!! Because then I lack the money to do too much of anything, or else my neglect of a self-pres issue causes a catastrophe and then I'm worse off than ever -- the car breaks down because I didn't keep up with maintenance for example, then hundreds (even thousands) of dollars have to be earned to repair or replace it -- Hey, if you are talented enough to make a living in the arts, then you can fulfill your interests AND your self-pres needs at the same time. Right now I'm staying in corporate communications as as SACRIFICE to keep my 2 kids comfortable and in good schools.


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