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allowing happiness for yoursef can be hard sometim
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allowing happiness for yoursef can be hard sometim

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Posted by Margaret ( on August 09, 2003 at 14:14:06:

As I've come down with serious infection in both sides of my whole upper gums and no anti-biotic to ward it off (I will wait to get new insurance coverage from my new job), my head is throbbing and I am in *pain*.

Anyway, looking back this past few weeks or so, what I posted here on the board, about not being happy where I am.

Truth is, happiness is very much many times a state of mind. I can see for myself, look at where else could I go right now and have permanent employment with a huge company and benefits? I'd be foolish to leave this long awaited opportunity to go off somewhere where the employment market is no where near it is here. How long has it taken me to get this opportunity? Quite some time. It'd be foolish to go anywhere else now.

Besides it's nearing end of summer, and I have made some plans to buy some camping furniture (instead of regular furniture) and clean up my room a bit. That way I can fold up the table and chairs when I move to my next place and put it in my car trunk instead of needing assistance to haul heavy furniture around. Besides it can be useful to use for future camping plans to share with others in the future, should I get the opportunity some day.

I called in sick yesterday again to to my current assignment because I really don't like it there and I'm not desperate to work there anymore now that I have secure job this next coming week. So now my question is should I work there maybe till Wed or Tues and get at least 2 days pay for the meantime? Or just tell them I'm done for good and take off the whole week? I dont know.

I mean, it's going to be a very long time since I will have my last "free" days to enjoy. I'd like to sleep in one last week. But I feel "guilty" doing it. I wish I didn't have to feel so "guilty" doing this.

I wish I could just do it and not feel I'm doing something "bad" or "wrong". And why couldn't I anyway? I mean, isn't it *my* life, and you only live once? Right?

I mean, when's the next time I will ever have a whole free week to nothing, sleep, anything I want, including (which is really *key*) not having to worry about when or where my next paycheck will come from?

Can't a person just allow themself some time to give herself peace of mind? That's all I'd like to have - for one week - complete total peace of mind. Total freedom to control my own schedule at will, doing what I want, where, when, and how. A whole week.

So that's where I'm at right now. Taking the whole week off or working for a couple of days at least just to get a few extra bucks to help pay the bills - which I actually have savings now to help if needed though - so I don't know.

I guess I'll see how the rest of this weekend goes. It's raining outside. This means now is the time to clean up this mess I moved in and start emptying and throwing out my moving boxes. If I can get all this done and the weather is still bad, then I will work, until the weather gets better. I hope by Wed or Thurs the weather will be better because this is the last week/opportunity I have until lord knows when to make that long awaited planned trip out to the Alleghenies up north and then down to Altoona in south and then around again.

This time though I can't get an almost $200. speeding ticket though (I was listining to Elvis Presley the only music I've been listeing to all summer, and got carreid away and wasn't paying attention) like I did last Sat from my second trip out to Sckuykill Co. which is just as pretty as Carbon Co., so that means this trip will defintiely take a few days, but that's why I got this car in the first place - so I could do all these things I've always wanted to do.

You live once, and provided that it's nurturing, positive, safe, and healthy, why not enjoy it when you can, right?

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