Tests  Types  Diagrams  Books  Forums  Enneagram Relationships  What's hot now  Search
Main | Type 4 | Type 5 | Movie | Care | Chat

Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive

Re: being abused for being N from S family (& soci~
[ Boards: Main, Type4, Type5, Movie, Care, Chat ][ Top 10 ] [ HOME ]

Re: being abused for being N from S family (& soci~

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 4 Message Board ]

Posted by The4Blob ( on August 13, 2003 at 07:59:42:

In Reply to: being abused for being N from S family (& society) posted by Margaret ( on August 12, 2003 at 17:48:36:

> I also think this was the biggest reason why I was made such an outcast by my mother of us four children, (as well as having a hard time adjusting to society in my later years).

> I always thought about possible outcomes, the long run, the what if? and she (and everyone else) in my family could never "get" why I didn't "just do (without asking)". This on top of nearly everyone else in the whole world (except for a tiny handful of people), who are also Sensors (and lot of Js) also did not "understand" me why I was so "different", thus I was always made to feel bad, guilty, abnormal, and so on - just because I thought and perceived differently.

> No doubt this is what made me 'retreat' so deeply and heavily into my single mode of defense - complete and total withdrawal and isolation. The negativity and pressure by others for me to "conform" to their ways of thought and perception - I had literally NO support from barely ANYyone in confirming thinking the way I have was okay and even "normal". I was alwasy made to feel "bad".

> With other N types however, they seem to have at least other family members who werer also Ns, and therefore able to give them enough support from the homefront at least to equip themselves with when going out into the real world where everyone else was a S, so that's why they fared so much better than I.

> Unfortunately not the case for me. I not only had no support for being a N, pushing me back to zero right there, but instead was made to feel and think the exact Oppoosite direction on top of that, meaning I got pushed back even further into the NEGATIVES.

> Anyway, until I learned about type differences I had a hard time in the world understanding "why" this was. However after learning it, I decided, not only could I not change them, not even with education, because fact is most of them don't even want to learn about different types, I just resolved to shoot for a way to protect myself (HEAVILY) from their pressures and abuses.

> Thus comes the isolation/retreat solution.

> And to this day, if faced with a Sensor - I do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to maintain as LITTLE contact and communication with them AT ALL. And on top of that have NO QUALMS about it AT ALL. In addition, I would and will NEVER EVER EVER marry a Sensor EVER in MY LIFE - not even if my life DEPENDED upon it. matter of fact, that's the FIRST thing I look for, are they 'Sensor' a/k/a 'will they abuse me' or are they 'iNtuitive' a/k/a 'will abuse not be THE relationship'?

> Because the abuse I sustained from Sensors starting with my mother, even up to that bitch from the agency, I have NO need, NO want, NO desire, and NOTHING to gain from them whatsoever not in the least, aside from what little tiny practical use they can provide at that given momnet (such as oil change I just got, etc).

> Outside from that, from the hours I don't have to spend working or getting something that requires participation with those people, I want NONE of them in my life. And I mean absolutely NONE.

> (And because I love being alone, I have NO problems with this rule. Besides, at what times I prefer company, there are at least a few iNtuitives around that is just enough to enjoy time with.)

> >
>>>>>>>>Yes, Margaret, I am sure my Dad is an ISTJ. I guess I was lucky in that my mother seems more of an NT, with P not J. IN her mind, almost any possibility is entertained. My MAIN problem with my parents was the variant thing. They are self-pres and I'm soc/sx, so I did a lot of "impractical" things in their opinion.

>>>>>My current sig other is an S! An SP, not SJ, though, which makes a bit of a difference -- he'll still entertain my "wacky" intuitive ideas even though that's not his own natural train of thought. Yes, SJs are the tough nuts to crack.

>>>>>>>Luckily where I work there is a lot of NT mentality. My main problem with work is the COMPLETE lack of F!!!!!!!!!!! People here act like computers most of the time, and sometimes I really need for others to notice my feelings and make sure I'm ok with what's going on . . .

Follow Ups:

Post a Followup




Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL:

[ Follow Ups ] [ Post Followup ] [ Type 4 Message Board ] [ FAQ ]