Posted by Dee (220.127.116.11) on August 14, 2003 at 13:44:56:
In Reply to: 4/3 soc/sx - baffled by workplace social rejection posted by The4Blob (18.104.22.168) on August 14, 2003 at 08:58:00:
> I am still being completely left out of the workplace after-hours socializing.
> To the point where I asked a co-worker, is there something wrong with me like body odor or what? She said, no, there is nothing wrong with you, don't let it bother you, they pick who they want to socialize with and you probably don't like some of them anyway. (True, true.)
> Then we have a rift in the support staff. And a part of me wants to get everyone together to try and work us into a united team, and another part sees that 2 of the people involved are SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO passive-aggressive that they will NEVER EVER change their minds about the other two people. I am caught in the middle, both sides confide in me about the other's flaws. I handed in a performance review to our boss in which I named the problems I saw on both sides -- on one side, a woman who uses her (anorexically thin) body and cuteness to get ADORED by the entire (male) staff, and who truly believes she & her pal do ALL of the work while the other 2 slack -- for the 2 slackers, yes, I wrote, one of them does truly slack but she is new and was never trained properly and with the passive-agressive bullshit, she probably doesn't even KNOW that she's seen as a slacker; the other woman, for her own reasons, is difficult and uncompromising right now (she wants more money!) but she is very good at her job, she will have no problem keeping up with her duties if she believes she is compensated fairly. To make matters infinitely more complicated, the 2 "slackers" are related and are other-than-white (the only African-Americans in the entire department) -- I hate to bring that up, but that's the reality and if they keep getting singled out I see a potential lawsuit in the future.
> As a 4/3 soc/sx, the HEALTHY thing I think is to practice discretion and not get involved, let the two sides work it out, don't break any confidences. As for socializing, I want to organize an after-work party (an early B-day party for my September BD) and invite 17 people who have always been nice to me and included me in things. What do I do if someone who wasn't invited wants to know why, or, worse yet, just invites themselves along? Am I being UNHEALTHY by doing this? I feel it's something that makes me happy while sends a message that I don't appreciate being excluded, now see how it feels. I know that most of them (uninvited) won't care anyway -- they really won't. BUT it shows them that they do not have a monopoly on the socializing. (They WILL all know about it because the 2/3 sx who IS being invited will start the gossip chain.)
These people you work with don't give you any thought, so why are you giving them any thought? I know, we are Type 4 and do this shit but when you step out of the box, you'll see how insignificant all this really is compared to the big picture. When I speak, I'm speaking from experience, not just off the top of my head. I'm going to tell you a little story. There was this women I had worked with who I COULD NOT STAND! SHE was so annoying and insensitive. I had problems going on and SHE would always make my problems worse. I would go home and tell my boyfriend about the things SHE said that day, or what SHE had done to piss me off. Long story short is that I went to a baby shower and SHE was there. I had no idea she was related to a friend of mine. Anyway, she came up to me and said "you're name's Dee right?" I said, yes and your name is Brittany. she said " I think you are one of the nicest people in our department, I wish I could relax and be more like you." this blew me away! she said " our boss is my ex-boyfriend and I'm ready to quit there because I hate being around him and it probably shows." We got talking, and I relized that she isn't that bad not my favorite person still but not as bad as I thought she was. Her behavior at work remained the same but I relized that it had nothing to do with me, that's just the way she is.
YOU HAVE TO WALK IN SOMEONE ELSE'S SHOES. UNTIL YOU HAVE, YOU HAVE NO OPINION ON THEM, AND SHOULD NOT JUDGE. WORKS BOTH WAYS.
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