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To Margaret
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To Margaret

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Posted by Goatman ( on August 14, 2003 at 20:39:01:

You posted earlier: I also think this was the biggest reason why I was made such an outcast by my mother of us four children, (as well as having a hard time adjusting to society in my later years).

I always thought about possible outcomes, the long run, the what if? and she (and everyone else) in my family could never "get" why I didn't "just do (without asking)". This on top of nearly everyone else in the whole world (except for a tiny handful of people), who are also Sensors (and lot of Js) also did not "understand" me why I was so "different", thus I was always made to feel bad, guilty, abnormal, and so on - just because I thought and perceived differently.

No doubt this is what made me 'retreat' so deeply and heavily into my single mode of defense - complete and total withdrawal and isolation. The negativity and pressure by others for me to "conform" to their ways of thought and perception - I had literally NO support from barely ANYyone in confirming thinking the way I have was okay and even "normal". I was alwasy made to feel "bad".

With other N types however, they seem to have at least other family members who werer also Ns, and therefore able to give them enough support from the homefront at least to equip themselves with when going out into the real world where everyone else was a S, so that's why they fared so much better than I.

Unfortunately not the case for me. I not only had no support for being a N, pushing me back to zero right there, but instead was made to feel and think the exact Oppoosite direction on top of that, meaning I got pushed back even further into the NEGATIVES.

Anyway, until I learned about type differences I had a hard time in the world understanding "why" this was. However after learning it, I decided, not only could I not change them, not even with education, because fact is most of them don't even want to learn about different types, I just resolved to shoot for a way to protect myself (HEAVILY) from their pressures and abuses.

Thus comes the isolation/retreat solution.

And to this day, if faced with a Sensor - I do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to maintain as LITTLE contact and communication with them AT ALL. And on top of that have NO QUALMS about it AT ALL. In addition, I would and will NEVER EVER EVER marry a Sensor EVER in MY LIFE - not even if my life DEPENDED upon it. matter of fact, that's the FIRST thing I look for, are they 'Sensor' a/k/a 'will they abuse me' or are they 'iNtuitive' a/k/a 'will abuse not be THE relationship'?

Because the abuse I sustained from Sensors starting with my mother, even up to that bitch from the agency, I have NO need, NO want, NO desire, and NOTHING to gain from them whatsoever not in the least, aside from what little tiny practical use they can provide at that given momnet (such as oil change I just got, etc).

Outside from that, from the hours I don't have to spend working or getting something that requires participation with those people, I want NONE of them in my life. And I mean absolutely NONE.

(And because I love being alone, I have NO problems with this rule. Besides, at what times I prefer company, there are at least a few iNtuitives around that is just enough to enjoy time with.)

> I have ALWAYS rebelled against this self-negating thinking, I have always wished my Dad were more able to stand up and say, Fair is fair and you (the individual worker like me TheBlob or Margaret) have just as much a right to make certain demands on a temp agency and just walk out if something better comes along -- well as a 4 I tend to be even more on the individual worker's side, not THE INSTITUTION, and feel that if THEY don't give a sh!t about what happens to us, they can shove their guilt trips up where the SUN don't SHINE.

Trust me I feel your pain. I grew up with SJ parents (1 ISFJ and 2 ESTJ) and it is tough being an ENFP 4. They tend to be convinced of their own righteousness given the fact they have a large majority of the population that think like them. While you may feel spite towards them don't. If most people were Ns you would do the same as them I am sure. Another thing you should seriously consider is giving Ss a chance, don't overgeneralize and think that you cannot get along with any of them, some of my best friends are Ss (especially SP for me, given I am a P). There are other people out there that think exactly like you, and whatever way you want to think and live is your business, it is just a shame that society in general puts such stress on individuals that don't fit the mold. There is also the danger of getting too arrogant. Sometimes I get a little self-righteous (probably that extraverted side of me coming out a little too strong) and think I am right and my S parents are wrong, but that kind of thinking is exactly why I am so frustrated with them in the first place. Not everyone can fit in, and there are plenty of benefits to being an 'outsider' (for lack of a better word). Besides, there is nothing you can do to change it, other than get in line, I wish you luck in your quest for happiness and appreciation, I empathize completely.

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