Posted by schrips (18.104.22.168) on August 25, 2003 at 19:57:17:
In Reply to: Re: shamed by emotions? posted by Sharlee (22.214.171.124) on August 25, 2003 at 05:55:40:
Sure, I focused on the negative stuff, I'm a 4 ;), and there is also positive..yin and yang. And I recognize that sometimes when you are so close to an issue, your perception can be distorted b/c you don't have enough distance to see things as they are...but even then I think the negative outweighs the positive a good deal of the time. One of my mom's close friends (a 2, I think) has told her that she wouldn't put up with half of what my brother and dad say and do to her.
And I'm kind of "dabbling" in my depressive emotions now, if that is the right word for it... Even though I'm frustrated with my life right now, my negative emotions don't even compare to the way I felt when I was clinically depressed. It's kind of funny, but I feel like now my emotions are under control more now, which gives me the power to really delve into my negative experiences without the fear of getting swept away by them.
I am being a good little 4 about taking some practical steps to change my situation. Before graduation, I had planned on moving in with my brother in Seattle (he is very charismatic and emotionally manipulative, hiding his negativity especially well over the phone). After living with him for a few weeks at my parent's house, I realized just how unhealthy he made me...and I actually had the strength to tell him I just couldn't live with him. We had a huge fight with a lot of name-calling, and I think he is still angry with me for somehow being disloyal, but I'm so glad every day that I did it. As for moving out of my parents....seattle's an expensive place and I'm broke. Still looking throught the classifieds, but about the only thing in my price range is a "dorm-style" room/studio...no pets allowed. I can't decide if it is better to give my dog up to my parents (which would please my mom and anger my dad..and bum me out) and move out, or continue living with them until I find that dream apartment...
> What a sad story. But perhaps you have only told the bad parts and there are good parts to compensate. Every family is dysfunctional to some degree but if there are no redeeming factors in yours, I would suggest you consider moving out to break the cycle. But keep in touch with your family, your mum especially. If you surround yourself with healthy positive people,you may miss the melodrama and suffering of the 4, but I believe that you will be the better for it.
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