Posted by raz62 (188.8.131.52) on September 19, 2003 at 11:59:10:
In Reply to: special posted by Hank (184.108.40.206) on September 19, 2003 at 04:41:32:
> It is commonly known that 2's often feel that they are special, different, and somehow exempt from the rules of society and the world. I have felt this way for a very long time. The thing is that life repeatedly hits me in the face with something telling me that this is not so. Life tells me that I am not in control, that I'm not as aware and past my problems as I thought I was, that things won't just work out for me on my terms. Things go great for a while, I end up feeling wonderful about myself and where my life is headed, and then it all comes crashing down.
> So why is it that I have this feeling that I'm so special and different? It just hit me this week. It's because people tell me that I am all the time! Even when it's about tasks or skills or aspects of who I am that I think I'm only average (or worse) at, I'm am repeatedly complimented. I hear that I'm a great musician, and have done an incredible job songwriting and performing; I do a great job at work, which comes with relatively little time and effort; I've done great things for my church and my community; I have such deep, accurate insights, and am a gifted spiritual seeker; I'm an outstanding writer and always have such valuable things to say...I hear all this and more on a regular basis.
> I am not posting this here to boost my own ego or to improve my image among people here--quite the opposite, I'm looking for other ways to see this problem. It seems to come from the 2's lack of and fixation on identity, but I wonder if other types experience the same thing, or something similar. I know that no one is immune to feeling good or bad based on what others (or life/God/the spirit) tells them in some form or another. But maybe it affects 2's more than some other types because, as I've found, we lack the spiritual foundation in who we are, our identity.
> I could probably go on about this, but I'll leave it at that for now and see if or how anyone else experiences this.
>>>>>Well I'll give you my 4/3 (not 2ish at all -- I score very very low in Type 2) viewpoint of the "Special" issue.
For MANY MANY years of my life, I was treated as special. From sometime in grade school until college, it was #1 for my "brains," I had all of the awards culminating in being a National Merit scholar & graduating from a top prep school, and #2 for my creativity, I was one of the best musicians, artisits, and writers in my prep school. From age 19 until just a few years ago, it was my "looks," life was like a big open door and I walked into just about any job I wanted, plus always got asked out by whichever men I found attractive . . . but, I have noticed in my entire working life that I never made much money or was sought for advancement, which didn't make any sense to me.
Now (at age 41) it makes sense to me. I was probably hired as "eye candy" (and the aacademic background made me legit to hire) but then never taken seriously, even though I always worked hard and did whatever was asked.
No one treats me as special anymore. Now I work harder than ever (full-time job, two kids, inadequate income), and am overwhelmed, and I have to be my own cheerleader, 'cause the superficial things that made me "special" (high test scores and a pretty face and playing the piano for guests) are not making my path through life the big easy fun romp that I always expected. When my career didn't take off like a rocket back in my 20s, I even turned to heavy drug use to make myself feel better. I cleaned up at age 30.
PS. -- I have to admit that my 2 kids DO treat me as special, and that's where I'm supposed to be right now -- a good mom -- and THE HELL WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD!!!!!
I don't know if my story helps but IT HELPS ME TO GET IT OUT THERE instead of stuck in my head.
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